Happy Birthday Kyna

First let me say Happy Birthday to the sweetest, most kind, most loving, most joyful woman I know Kyna.

Tonight we celebrated Kyna's quarter of a century birthday. We had a lovely evening with Kyna, Miguel and their family. I would have to say the highlight was Mya and Hailey (Kyna's dog) dancing together.

I met Kyna on October 15, 2010 at Hilltop park. Since then I have learned that there are still genuinely caring people in this world. Kyna remembers all the details. I can defiantly say it has been a blessing to have met Kyna. I was then an honor to have Mu Perspectives photograph our WTRLA this year.

On the way home from Kyna's birthday party I was telling Eddie about all the simple, yet wonderful things Kyna has done for me to make my day on many occasions. I have realized there are just so many little things that bring joy to our life and Kyna is that joy. Recently Kyna sent me this.

So to wrap up I would like to wish such a wonderful person Happy Birthday. I know this is 25 but there are so many more to come. I hope you had an amazing day because you deserve it.

Nathan's Stocking

 The last couple of weeks I have not been sleeping well. So I have been reading blogs, hanging out on Pinterest and baking.

One of the families that attended WTRLA this year was the Chong Family. This family is simply amazing. The love for Nathan as well as Nathan's uncle was very present on October 15th. On October 15th I got to meet Jolene, Nathan's Mommy.

One one of my many nights up I was reading her blog. She had posted about Nathan's Stocking and I immediately knew what I wanted to do for Nathan.

For over 10 years now Eddie and I have donated toys to Spark of Love. Now that we have Sophia in heaven we have now started a new part of that tradition. Every year we purchase duplicate gifts for Mya. This symbolizes the fact that we should be purchasing two of everything. One for Sophia and one for Mya. We then donate them to the Spark of Love toy drive. So I wanted to go purchase something for Nathan and donate it in his honor too as a way to be part of his stocking.

So tonight after dinner Mya and I went to go give those special gifts to the fire station. I also packed up some cookies for them to enjoy. Mya was very excited to be on our mission. When we arrived the chief saw that we had a bag of toys so he opened up the big door for Mya to see the fire truck.

When I got home and put Mya to bed I wrote Nathan a letter for his stocking. I know it is the little things that help in the biggest way and though Eddie and I have always tried to purchase gifts for older children as they always seem to get forgotten, it is now OK that I purchase gifts for a 3 year old and a 6 month old. Because in my eyes these are very special gifts. We still try and focus on older kids too. But these gifts are from a different part of the heart.

So now I leave you with the letter I wrote for Nathan's Stocking.





Dear Nathan,


Merry Christmas, Sweet Angel. This being your first Christmas and all the good deeds that are being done in your honor simply amaze me. You are most certainly one very loved little boy.

For over 10 years now Eddie and I have always donated toys to the Spark of Love toy drive. We always went to the same fire station to give all the toys we were donating. This year as we have moved we donated to a new fire station. After spending the afternoon with your older sister, Elizabeth and your older brother Michael we went to donate our toys. But I knew I still needed to purchase one more gift to give them in your honor. I also wanted to donate one for Sophia too. 

So last night after dinner Mya and I packed up the toys we purchased for you and Sophia as well as some cookies for the nice fire men and we went to the fire station to donate those toys. When we arrived I had to tell the cheif why we were back. I told him about WTRLA and about you and Sophia. He gave Mya and I a big hug and said the you and Sophia are two very special children and that he hopes these toys go to children that will love them half as much as your Mommy's love you two.

I personally know the love for you and Sophia is endless and your family loves and misses you so much.

Merry Christmas Nathan, I hope you and Sophia feel the love that is for you both.

Your Friend,
Cassie
Sophia and Mya's Mommy

1 Down 1 To Go!

While Mya was busy being a super model today, I was busy catching up on  31 Days of Greif.

Now the important question. So Cassie what has been going on the last two months? Well I have been ill. The week before the second biggest week of my year my loving husband decided to break his ankle. BTW, the first being April 15th and the second being October 15th. See I like to space them out evenly, ever 6 months. Just like Christmas and my birthday! So that was a fun week, being sick planning a major event without my go to person.

It personally took Eddie's injury to heart. Why? Because he did not call me. He had one of this friends drive him all the way from Mojave to Pasadena to urgent care and then called his cousin to bring him home. I spoke with him twice as this was all happening. He choose to still not tell me. He told me after that he did ot want to worry me. I now see what he was saying but I still took it to heart.

Next order of business is to catch up Mya's blog as I use that as a journal for her and I want to be sure that I keep up with it.

So that is where we stand one blog done one to go.

Embrace The Camera (Thursday)

I have been working very hard on getting the blog all caught up. So tonight we ETC. This picture may just end up being the one we have out next to Mya's booty picture when her first boy friend comes to the house.

So I ask how could we not "Embrace" this picture?

Last year for the first time ever I heard several people saying they put Christmas trees in their children's rooms. Even today at work a co-worker told me the cutest story about when he was a child. He use to get a tree and wrap gifts for his rats and put them under the tree. So tonight I did it. I got Mya a tree for her room. I have always tried to completely do everything I can to build memories for Mya when it comes to everything as I know as a mother I only get one shot to get it right. So I want everything for Mya to be perfect. When I decorated our tree Sunday evening I purposely kept all the pink ornaments to the side. We told Mya there was a chance Santa might bring her a special tree for her room if she continued to sleep in her room.

She fell asleep tonight in the car as she only got about 30 minutes sleep today before her photo shoot. So she was tired. She woke up and saw her tree and came downstairs and told us Santa came. Eddie and I followed her up the stairs to see what Santa had brought her. She promptly asked if I got a tree in my room. Though I always dream of that scene in Untamed Heart where Marisa Tomei wakes up and has a tree in her room. She then proceeded to tell me how she heard Santa and his reindeer on the roof of our garage and everything that happen

Pins and Needles

So here I stand just waiting on pins and needles. Tomorrow is the day. I go back for another Mammogram. What will the out come be? To make matters worse I have not been sleeping well this week as we did not have heat until yesterday as a result of the wind storm. Then the other problem is my foot has been bothering me. I jammed it two months ago, did an X-Ray one month ago and in the last week it has been hurting even more.

Tomorrow I am going to see if I can also got an appointment with my primary as well to discuss my foot and the results of the Mammogram.

So now we wait. We see what answers will be given. We wait, we wait, we wait.

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thanksgiving.

I hope everyone had a nice peaceful day. I got up and cooked. I did not sleep so well and I was busy prepping for Thanksgiving. I had intended on getting a little more sleep as I know we are going shopping very shortly, but what are you going to do?

We had a small Thanksgiving with our immediate family. It was nice and peaceful.

This year I am thankful for so much. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for a understand work place. I am thankful for the new peace that crafting has brought me again. I am thankful for a peaceful day. I am thankful for my understanding friends and all of those who have been there for me and have been an ear. I am thankful for the beauty of life. I am thankful for a crazy little muchaca that keeps me going. I am thankful to be Sophia's mother and all the strength she gave me to do the positive work I do. I am thankful to be cancer free. I am thankful for my health, and thankful to be on the mend.

Tonight at dinner Mya told us all she was thankful for and as the list has always stated, she is thankful for Bozzy Cat and you, you, you and you as she pointed at our dinner table.

It will be interesting to see how long I can go without crashing. I am sticking to a list and that is that. I am sure I will find a couple things for me but it is OK, I think I am worth it.

So I hope everyone had a nice day and if you are going shopping you find all the deals you are looking for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Conversation I Did Not Think I Would Be Having So Soon.

Tonight at bed time Mya and I were having a little coversation.

I started with what Mya is thankful for. Every time I have asked her this question she has always started her list with "Bozzy Cat" and then the list goes on for a minute or so.

The she asked me is tomorrow was a school day and I told her tomorrow was a special school day, as tomorrow is open house. I explained to her that both Mommy and Daddy would be picking her up and that we would get to talk to Mrs. Monie to see how she was doing. She told me that Mrs. Monie told her she would have a brother. I told her "really is that what Mrs. Monie told you" her response was "yes" Then Mya told me "and Sophia is my sister"

At that time my heart just melted. I did not know what to tell her so I told her "yes Sophia is your sister and she is an angel in heaven now"

The rest of our conversation kind of went as follows:

Mya: No Sophia is here with us and Sophia is my sister.
Me: Yes she is here looking over you and yes Sophia is your sister.
Mya: No Mommy not Sophia the elephant, my sister Sophia.
Me: I know Mya. Sophia the elephant is here so you remember Sophia your sister. Sophia grew her wings and is now an angel in heaven.
Mya: Mommy, when will I grow my wings?
Me: One day Mya, in a very long time you will grow wings.
Mya: So one day Sophia and I will be able to fly together.
Me: Yes you can fly together. I love you Mya. I will see you in the morning.
Mya: I love you Mommy.

So there you have it. A conversation out of the blue. Nothing I would have ever dreamed up in a million years. I never thought at this stage of the game I would be talking about Sophia with Mya like this.

I love my girls.

Do you feel like 31 days has helped you open up more about your child(ren) and your grief?

NO, personally I feel like I am doing what I can to keep Sophia's memory alive. I feel that being a mother of twins even though one is with me and one is in my heart has its own challenges. I know mom's with twins and they had/have different challenges from parents of singletons.

I strive to keep Sophia's name in our life so Mya knows she is not an only child. I don't want Mya to ever feel like her life is not complete. I also do not want to ever hide anything about Sophia from Mya.

Day 30:

How are your preparing for the end of the year? 

 (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)

This year has not been my best. I started the first 5 months sick and then at the end of May I found out there is a mass in my breast. Things went down hill from there. 

The end of the year is also when it starts to get busy at work for me. It is when reality sets in that tax time is here.

So we enjoy our time as a family, we enjoy the holidays. This year I am not planning on going over board with Mya and gifts. I plan on taking her to do as many holiday actives as we can. It is about our time together. I am also thinking about ornament ideas for Operation Ornament for this year and have yet to come up with anything. So if you have a good idea, let me know.

As always Eddie and I will be purchasing toys to donate to the fire department for their toy drive. This year we plan on taking Mya as she seems to be understanding more of Christmas. 

One last plan for this year is to take Mya to the snow. I also plan on writing Sophia's name in the snow.

So that is where we stand for the rest of the year.

Day 29:

What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?

I was born and raised catholic, as well as Eddie. Mya is baptized catholic. Though I do not really, at the moment practice my religion the way I should, I do believe that Sophia is in heaven. I believe that one day I will get to meet her face to face and that will be quite the honor.

Day 28:

Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?

Yes I have.

I know my brother Josh really is not in our everyday picture in life and Mya has only seen her Uncle Josh 4 times in life. One night on my way home from work he and I were talking and I made a comment about Sophia. He asked who? It instantly broke my heart. I immediately told him "Sophia you niece, she passed away, Mya's twin sister.

Day 27:

Share a picture.

What is this picture might you ask. It is a picture of the balloon release at WTRLA this year. I would have to say this was the most emotional moment for me by far in WTRLA's history. It was just a powerful thing the song selected was perfect the moment was perfect.

Day 25:

On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?

I would have to say every year it is different. I am at peace with the end result after all is said and done and I think that is a good thing for me.

Day 24:

On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?


Personally as a twin Mom things are a little different for me. The first two years I treated June 30th as Mya's special day (their birth day) and I treated March 11th as Sophia's day. But this year maybe because of cancer I felt like I could not treat them as two separate days. 


This year June 30th went as follows. Sophia and Mya we did special things to remember Sophia. I have always had a flower on Mya's birthday cake to symbolize Sophia. We did that.


As for January 15th (our diagnosis day), I remember it as the day my life as a blissfully ignorant pregnant woman went out the door.


March 11th (the day Sophia passed away) will always be that day. I dread it, still. I don't think I will every not dread it but in a way there is good and bad to that. It is 4 days before a major tax deadline and three days after Eddie's birthday. This year we Celebrated Sophia on March 13th as tax time kind of got in the way. But we still remembered her. That is what counts right?

Day 23:

Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?

There is only one thing I would change. I would have got to see my daughter.