Saturday, February 23, 2008

17w1d: Well Thursday I did not sleep at all. I never seem to sleep the night before our appointments. Eddie came home Thursday night so sick. He took some meds and went straight to bed. I went to work yesterday in the morning and left around noon.

Since Eddie is sick my mom came down just in case he got too sick to drive home since Dr. Tabsh's office told us to be prepared to be there 3 1/2 to 5 hours. So we went and had an early dinner at "The Shack" got to see Uncle Bob, that was nice. Then we went to the Santa Monica mall only to find out it was closed for remodeling. We walked around Macy's for a bit to waste some time, my mom and I browsed all the baby clothes, that is always fun. Then is was time for us to go to UCLA/Santa Monica.

We got there at 6:15 and it took us 15 minutes to find out where we were going. We found it and took a seat. We finally were seen at 9:15.

Eddie and I believe it was well worth that wait. So Eddie, my mom and I went in, waited for another 15 minutes while the doctor finished working on some other charts. Then we did the Ultrasound. Dr. Tabsh did about a 15 minute ultrasound. He then kept going back to the same place and then he marked the center of my lower belly with a red X. He told me to get up and go to the bathroom and then we will talk.

So as I walked to the bathroom I began to cry. I figured he was going to proceed with the reduction since he had the X on me. I really REALLY did not want reduction. My personal feeling is that she could be OK. There are always medical miracles.

So I composed myself and went back to the office. Eddie and my mom had changed rooms to a room with a table and four chairs. So we sat and talked. Dr. Tabsh told us he is there to give us all of our options. Then he gave is the options.

A) Terminate the entire pregnancy, but he did not think that was necessary.

B) Reduce "A" but he did not really advise on that since the sick baby is "A" and there could be several issues, such as bleeding, ruptured membranes, most likely premature labor and there would be a 2% chance we would loose the entire thing.

C) Nothing! Nothing, would be that nature takes it course and that would be best for "B" since it would be less time that "A" would be sitting on top of my cervix when she passes. The risks we run are less with letting it be.

He also said he does not think that "A" would survive the entire pregnancy, if she does she probably will not last long after birth due to the issues she has. After Eddie asked all the questions we had, like should we do an amnio on "B"? He said no, I am young and "B" is healthy enough he does not see it necessary. I asked if the Placentas are fused or one? He said fused. I asked if by any chance he saw the sex of "B" he said she is defiantly a girl.

So we ended the conversation with Dr. Tabsh telling us if I was his daughter that he would not recommend the reduction. So Eddie and I decided not to proceed. He also said if we would like we can see him anytime. He also recommended that we see Dr. Shah every three to four weeks. So at 11:00pm we left Santa Monica with our two little girls.

I know that Eddie has been the more rational one in this whole ordeal but I really could not put myself through reduction. I would know we set the date that we let our little girl go. I could not live with that. I guess Eddie has been more rational about this. As a mother I could not make that decision unless it was a last resort.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

16w4d: Second appointment with Dr. Shah this afternoon. Baby "A" is still with us and Baby "B" "looks like a girl, the key words are looks" says Dr. Shah! "A" is measuring at 15w3d and "B" is measuring at 17w0d.

So now "A" is not growing properly as well as her other problems. Up until now hopes were high because she was growing still. Now things have taken another turn for the worse. The last month has been hell.

Eddie was so excited, from the beginning he has always said they were two girls. Now Eddie keeps referring to "B" as his little princess. I hope that blows over.

As I said before "A" is still with us. To me it seems like my main focus is "A" and Eddie's is "B". Don't get me wrong that mommy instinct has set in and I love both of my girl equally. I just really want to bring both of my girls home. That is my main focus.

As a mentioned in a previous post we now have to go see another specialist for a more in depth Ultrasound to find out if we can or should do reduction. Dr. Shah refereed us to a specialist out of Good Samaritan Hospital. in Los Angeles. I called her office on the way home as Dr. Shah had already called he to get us an appointment ASAP as we are running out of time to do anything.

Reduction has been brought up to us for the last month. I hate that this may be our only option to bring home one of these girls. Reduction needs to be done before 20 weeks.

So she scheduled me for 11 am on Friday. About 45 minutes later we get a call back from her office saying that they don't accept Blue Cross PPO and if we wanted to see that doctor it would be $1805. So I called Dr. Shah's office back to find out if he has another doctor to refer us to. Eddie got on the phone with Blue Cross to find out what we can do. Dr. Shah's office called us back and found us another doctor.

Then 5 minutes later Dr. Shah, personally called us back and asked what had happened and why we were changing doctors. I told him our issue. He warned me that the new doctor does not have good bed side manner but is just as good as the first doctor. Dr. Shah knows our problem that we had with Dr. DeVore and did not want us to have the same problem again. So Eddie and I talked about it and have decided to see the second doctor, that appointment is Friday at 7:00pm at UCLA/Santa Monica. We were told when making the appointment be prepared for a 3hr wait. I hope this guy is good.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

15w5d: Well I guess that moving last week was really moving. We were in bed this morning and I felt it again. I told Eddie what was happening and he felt it too. I was very exciting. I was such a great family moment. I am really treasuring my moments with both of my children. I am still hopefully a miracle will come from everything.

We had a early Valentine's dinner with Eddie's parents.

Friday, February 1, 2008 14 Weeks

14w0d: Day one of the second trimester. To sum it up I would say it was not half as bad as I was expecting pregnancy wise. Spent three weeks practically in hibernation. Only had nausea three mornings, which never resulted in actually throwing up. Got a cold for 11 days.

Found out 1 is 2. Found on 2 will become 1. Found out "A" is a girl, the jury is still out on "B". Still working on processing all of this news. There has been so much to take in and to read. The Internet is a crazy thing. It is good and bad.

Tried to get Buster & Boz to sleep in the living room, that did not go over too well, as they took turns scratching at the door and crying. Now they are back in the room, but not on the bed.

Friday, February 1, 2008

14w0d: Had third actual scheduled appointment with Dr. Prema. We had another ultrasound. Went over everything that has been going on. She always has a great way of calming me down and letting Eddie and I know that it is what it is and it is in God's hands.