Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

35w0d: To start the C-Section is scheduled for Wednesday, July 2nd at 10 AM.

I went for my NST yesterday morning and contractions are now 8 minutes apart, but I am only feeling half of them. If I start feeling more of them then it is back to the hospital.

Today is my last day that I will actually have nothing to do. Tomorrow morning I see Dr. Prema, Thursday I go for testing, Friday I see Dr. Shah, Monday I go for testing, Tuesday I go for Pre-Op and Wednesday is Sophia & Mya's birthday and probably what will prove to be the hardest day of my life. But I am so looking forward to meeting Sophia and telling her face to face I love her and I will miss her. I don't know if this will be the closure I have been seeking since her passing but I need this. I need to hold both of them. I know Sophia will not be in good shape but I still need to hold her.

Alice's birthday is Friday. She will be 50. We will go to dinner on Friday and we are having a big family brunch on Sunday. That will be nice, our last real outing before the girls arrival. (I love to refer to them as "The Girls")

I feel as if we are as ready as can be. I keep going through my bag to be sure I have everything I could possibly need. I guess in this case it is better to over pack rather then under pack as I will be admitted to the hospital until at least Saturday, possibly Sunday. Eddie will be able to stay at the hospital with me so the plan is that he will stay every night with us and then go to work for there. He starts his vacation on Saturday. I would rather him be home with us then just sitting at the hospital. So that is all for now.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Thursday, June 17, 2008

34w0d: So there has been some changes to my real due date. I actual due date is July 29th. Mya will be delivered sometime between now and July 2nd.

I am currently having contractions that are about 10 minutes apart. If I don't start labor then we will go in for a "scheduled" C-Section on July 2nd. Mya will be our little firecracker baby. She will get to wear the outfit that Aunt Cathy got her. I will have to pack it in her bag.

So here is the plan for the next two weeks if I can make it that long: I will continue to go for my NST testing on Monday's and Thursday's. Next week I will go see Dr. Prema again for my last scheduled appointment. On June 30th I will go back to Dr. Shah for one more appointment to measure everything and if all looks good and Mya is six pounds or more then we will have the C-Section sometime on July 2nd between 7:30am and Noon. I will know the exact time next Wednesday. So that is that for now. I am happy that at least I know that Mya will be evicted no later then July 2nd but it could be anytime. I am not happy Sophia will join her in the eviction.

It is so hard to be happy that Mya will be here soon when I know Sophia won't. How do I juggle all of this. On one hand I am happy we made it this far yet I know when this journey is done we only have one of our twins with us. Yes Sophia will be cremated and she will be home with us until I am ready to give her a final resting place. But it won't be the way it should be. We should be installing TWO car seats. We should have a double stroller. Our house she be invaded by Sophia AND Mya.

I am still struggling with this. I don't know how to manage these feelings. What do I do? What can I do? What's done is done. We will say our good byes to Sophia as we say our hellos to Mya. How I wish I got to feel her kicks again. What I would do to care for Sophia, even with her special needs. I would do it in a minute, no questions asked.

I will keep this posted if anything changes.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Friday, June 13, 2008

33w0d: What an eventful week!

For starters I can not even begin to express our gratitude to everyone. It has been a bit overwhelming to say the least. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Sunday Eddie and I went to the hospital for a tour of the NICU. I think for me it was a bit much to take in. At that time they were taking care of 32 babies. I did not even know that the NICU could hold that many babies.

Monday I went back to the hospital for NST testing. Everything went well. Mya was on her best behavior. The nurse was happy about that. Tuesday I think it all caught up with me. All the going and going from the previous 5 days. I spent my birthday in bed. I needed it.Wednesday I saw Dr. Prema. Everything looks good. Mya is healthy.

I just have one more week of bed rest and then I can start walking to try to get labor going on its own. The only issue Dr. Prema had was from my first NST test to my test on Monday my fluid dropped 5 from 17 to 12. So we have to watch that. We just need Mya to make it to 34 weeks. If Mya hangs on one more week then most likely Mya will be able to come home with us with no NICU stay.

My next appointment with Dr. Prema is Wednesday, June 25th. On Wednesday Eddie and I also did our Labor and Delivery tour so now we know what to expect when the time comes. Thursday I went for another NST test and Mya was very active. The nurse had to hold the heart rate monitor the whole time since Mya was moving so much.Tomorrow I have one last set of blood work. Other then that we are planning on taking it easy this weekend.

Here is to one last week of bed rest. And more time with BOTH of my girls together as twins.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Throwing A Pitty Birthday Party for Myself.

Today is my 28th birthday and I am going to not have a good day. I have decided and there is no one to change my mind.

Since I started bed rest on April 6th I have spent 65 days in bed and for the first of those days I am happy to be in bed. I want to be here, I want to curl up in a ball and that is that.

More than ever I want BOTH of my babies safe and alive. I don't need to celebrate myself but I would have liked to have a day to think what next year would be like with my twin girls. Next year who knows where they would have been or what they would have been doing. Perhaps learning to walk. I can only lay here and imagine all the what ifs of my life.

Not that all of this daydreaming gets me anywhere. I am not sure if this is a dream or a nightmare. I know everything that we have been through when it all comes down to it is for Mya.

It seems to be daily that I think what if this is one huge mistake. What is Sophia is still alive. For goodness sake, Eddie's cousins are twins and they only knew about one of them until they were born. I really would not mind if one of them was a boy if that means I get BOTH of them. I would not mind if I had to run to Target or BRU and purchase an extra car seat. I would not mind if I had to go purchase little boy clothes. Because my brother in-law was a boy and they told Alice Gabriel was a girl. My point is this clearly would not be the first time the medical community was wrong right? Why can't I be one of those miracle stories?

That is my birthday wish!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Friday, June 6, 2008

32w0d: Well we, Eddie, Mya and I "graduated" from Dr. Shah's office.

Today was our last appointment with him unless there is some emergency that Dr. Prema needs Mya measured. Everything went well with the appointment. Mya is now 4 lbs 6 oz. She is measuring 2 days larger then my due date so everything is good. The only thing we are waiting on is her lungs to be developed enough for her to avoid any pro-longed stay in the NICU. I started my NST testing on Monday. It is just an hour each time they check the fluid and monitor Mya's heart rate and my contractions. I am still having very small ones but the are nothing to be too worried about.

Monday Mya was perfect she was active but not too active. Thursday was a different story. She was way to busy to be sitting still. Today at Dr. Shah's she was way too busy so he could not get all the measurements he wanted. But none the less she is healthy. The coming week seems to be very busy.

Tomorrow is my shower. It will be nice to see everyone.

Sunday we have our tour with the NICU just to be on the safe side. Monday I have NST testing. Wednesday I see Dr. Prema. Thursday I have more NST testing. I will report on Friday.