Friday, May 30, 2008

Friday, May 30, 2008

31w0d: My doctors appointment was changed to yesterday. So I went to see Dr. Prema. Mya looks good, she is still very active. Sophia is still on my cervix. Dr. Prema has decided to start me on Terbutaline to help stop or slow pre-term labor. I will also start going to the hospital twice a week for Non Stress Testing on Monday's and Thursday's.

Dr. Prema said that Mya looks like she is over 4 pounds so that is a good thing. She said by her best guess Mya will be here by the end of June. So basically anytime in the next month. The pack it on diet has proved to be well for Mya. Not for me.

Next Friday I am scheduled to see Dr. Shah. For the next two weeks I will be at the doctors three days each week.

Here is to another good week.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday, May 23, 2008

30w0d: We had an OK week.

I went to my appointment on Tuesday and Dr. Prema discovered that Sophia resting right on top of my cervix. That is what Dr. Tabash warned us about. So our new plan of attack if that stay on bed rest and get Mya to 5-6 pounds. I go back to see Dr. Prema next Friday and we will check and see if Sophia is still where we don't want her to be, if she is then we will evaluate the situation.

Given the situation Eddie and I finalized our plans for Sophia. We had planned on going to the mortuary last night to get all the paperwork done and due to the weather that did not happen.

The owner came to the house today and I signed everything that needed to be done ahead of time. So that is a huge thing that we had to get done. I am happy that this big step is done. I am not happy that we had to make such plans. Yet again this is another reminder of the fact that Sophia will really be gone soon. Though I don't feel her kicks she is still there. I find myself many a times a day resting both hands in the places that BOTH of my girls are. Sophia was/is so low and Mya is so high but yet I still feel like rubbing my lower bell over Sophia is a way to bond with her.

The owner of the mortuary gave us several cards. He said to have our doctor put one in our file so they know we have given them permission to take Sophia. He also said to have Eddie give one to the nurse at the hospital. I told him that my main focus at the hospital is going to be for peace. I just need things to be peaceful. I want to leave the hospital knowing that my Sophia is taken care of. I will not have the joy of leaving with two babies and as I know there is a possibility I will leave the hospital with no babies I would have much rather them BOTH be safe in the NICU but I won't get that either.

So that was our week. Here is hoping for another great week contraction free.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Friday, May 16, 2008

29w0d: Not as good of a week as we all were wanting.

Monday afternoon I got a call that I failed my 1 hour diabetes test and had to do the three hour test Tuesday morning. So I did. I pasted that with flying colors. Saw Dr. Prema yesterday. She said that most multiple pregnancies fail the one hour test. She also said that I am to start seeing her every two weeks. I told her about the pressure I was having and she said it is most likely from my uterus being enlarged from multiples.

Last night I was cleaning out my closet (I assume nesting) and when I went to the restroom I was spotting. We just let it be and when I got up in the middle of the night nothing. But when I got up at 9 this morning more spotting. I called the doctors office and she sent me to the hospital.

So Alice and I spent the day at Huntington. I am back on complete bed rest. They think that possibly Sophia is being rejected from my body. This is not something we talked about. This is not something that anyone prepared me for. They all told me she would be fine, she would stay put and we would deliver them together. They would share a birthday. I have been all about having peace when they are born. I just don't know what to think about all of this new news.

Depending on what happens this weekend and when I go back to see Dr. Prema on Tuesday if they will give me something to stop the minor contractions I am having and or Steroids for Mya to get her ready for an earlier then planned delivery if necessary.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day. We had dinner with our family. I relaxed as that is what I do these days. I reflected on both of my girls. How I am missing all of Sophia's movements and how active Mya has become.

I still very much want to see Sophia. I feel like I need to say good bye to her. She needs to have that time with her Mommy and Daddy. I feel I need to have that one moment in time that I hold both of my twin girls.

This game of pregnancy is no fun. I am so happy we have made it this far, yet I feel I have a hole in my heart now. I feel guilty for thinking this way. People are always telling me that I will be so blessed to have Mya. I know that but yet I feel like God felt I was not good enough to take care of two. Perhaps I am just not worthy. That bothers me so much.

We have worked so hard to get to this point and I feel like if I have let Sophia down how will I let Mya down.

So though Mother's Day was nice with my family, Mothers Day was not nice to me.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Friday, May 9, 2008

28w0d: Third Trimester!!!!!

This is great news. We are almost out of the danger zone for Mya. I had an appointment with Dr. Shah today. It went well. Mya is 3 lbs 1 oz. At today's appointment Mya insisted that she keep her foot near her face to obstruct all of the pictures we got today.

The past couple weeks have been good physically. I have only had minor Braxton Hicks contractions but other then that no real problems. I went last Saturday to re-do my Gestational Diabetes test since the tech did not get enough blood the first time and I did my toxin check. So far so good. I get the toxin test read next Friday. So that is all to report this week.

Mentally is a different story. I feel like I have let Mya down. She is not all I think about all day. I think of Sophia more often. I think how we are nearing the end of having her safe inside of me.
I also think of what Mya has been trough. How she is just sitting there next to her sister's lifeless body. I fear that will be traumatizing for her. I also think of how will I as a mother handle life as a mother of "a surviving twin" and not a mother of "twins" how will I tell Mya one day that she is technically a "little sister". When will be the right time to start talking about Sophia. Will Sophia be a part of our everyday life? There is so much I think about these days.

I am sorry to go on like that. I don't mean to be so morbid but these are the things I think about while on bed rest. It is my life for now.

On a lighter note. Tomorrow Alice & I will be attending Kirsten's first birthday.

Here is to one more week of remaining pregnant.