Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Thursday, June 17, 2008

34w0d: So there has been some changes to my real due date. I actual due date is July 29th. Mya will be delivered sometime between now and July 2nd.

I am currently having contractions that are about 10 minutes apart. If I don't start labor then we will go in for a "scheduled" C-Section on July 2nd. Mya will be our little firecracker baby. She will get to wear the outfit that Aunt Cathy got her. I will have to pack it in her bag.

So here is the plan for the next two weeks if I can make it that long: I will continue to go for my NST testing on Monday's and Thursday's. Next week I will go see Dr. Prema again for my last scheduled appointment. On June 30th I will go back to Dr. Shah for one more appointment to measure everything and if all looks good and Mya is six pounds or more then we will have the C-Section sometime on July 2nd between 7:30am and Noon. I will know the exact time next Wednesday. So that is that for now. I am happy that at least I know that Mya will be evicted no later then July 2nd but it could be anytime. I am not happy Sophia will join her in the eviction.

It is so hard to be happy that Mya will be here soon when I know Sophia won't. How do I juggle all of this. On one hand I am happy we made it this far yet I know when this journey is done we only have one of our twins with us. Yes Sophia will be cremated and she will be home with us until I am ready to give her a final resting place. But it won't be the way it should be. We should be installing TWO car seats. We should have a double stroller. Our house she be invaded by Sophia AND Mya.

I am still struggling with this. I don't know how to manage these feelings. What do I do? What can I do? What's done is done. We will say our good byes to Sophia as we say our hellos to Mya. How I wish I got to feel her kicks again. What I would do to care for Sophia, even with her special needs. I would do it in a minute, no questions asked.

I will keep this posted if anything changes.

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