21w0d: Another week. Saw Dr. Prema today. I have to do two more blood test tomorrow and have to continue every six weeks. Mya is very active these days. We have another appointment with Dr. Prema on Friday.
Busy weekend ahead. Going to have lunch with Linnea, Dave and Kirsten tomorrow. Linnea has some goodies for us. Easter is Sunday and my mom, my sister and Eddie's grandma are coming for an early dinner. Happy Easter everyone!
Work is busy. Still a great way to keep my eye on the prize.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
20w0d: Well this is the half way mark of a normal pregnancy.
We made it.
I am hopeful that the second half will be emotionally better then the first. Not that is even possible right now.
We have names picked out, just need to figure out spellings. "A" will be Sophia Rene and "B" will be Maya, Mya or Myah, no middle name yet.
This has been one bad week. I am working past moving on with the loss of Sophia. I know it will take time, I don't think it is half as bad since we knew what was coming. Everyone had a hopeful thought for Sophia, but it was in God's plan. We want to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers.
Maya, Mya or Myah seems to be moving quite a bit in the evening between 4 and 10 she still likes to sit in one place on my right side that is not very comfortable for me, Eddie says that his daughter is just like her father.....Loves to drive me crazy! I seem to be sleeping better these days. That is nice. Work is busy, I like that at the current moment to keep my mind off of things. Work seems to be the biggest help. There is no time to sulk. Which is good for me.
On the other hand I can not wait for tax time to be over so I can go back to aqua fit.
So that is that for the week.
We made it.
I am hopeful that the second half will be emotionally better then the first. Not that is even possible right now.
We have names picked out, just need to figure out spellings. "A" will be Sophia Rene and "B" will be Maya, Mya or Myah, no middle name yet.
This has been one bad week. I am working past moving on with the loss of Sophia. I know it will take time, I don't think it is half as bad since we knew what was coming. Everyone had a hopeful thought for Sophia, but it was in God's plan. We want to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers.
Maya, Mya or Myah seems to be moving quite a bit in the evening between 4 and 10 she still likes to sit in one place on my right side that is not very comfortable for me, Eddie says that his daughter is just like her father.....Loves to drive me crazy! I seem to be sleeping better these days. That is nice. Work is busy, I like that at the current moment to keep my mind off of things. Work seems to be the biggest help. There is no time to sulk. Which is good for me.
On the other hand I can not wait for tax time to be over so I can go back to aqua fit.
So that is that for the week.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008, A Day I Never Wanted.
19w5d: Eddie and I had our monthly appointment today with Dr. Shah. We found out we have lost our Baby "A" who Eddie and I have named Sophia. I am very sure she passed away today.
This morning I had an amazing morning with BOTH of my girls. As I drove to work BOTH of them were moving away to the music. I was listening to the Aggrolites. I kept switching what hand I had on the wheel so I could feel both of them kicking my hand. Though I am not in a good frame of mind right now I am very happy that my last moment with BOTH of my girls alive was this moment and I was in the moment.
Today was going to be special Alice wanted to come see our girls. We arranged our appointment so Eddie and her would be there with me. Paul even asked me if "Little Flipper" was still with us. I was certain she was with the morning we had. I told him I was very certain she was.
We waited a little longer today to see the doctor. We got in there and Dr. Shah asked us how things were. I told him good, we just had movement this morning. He hooked me up and went straight for Sophia. The first words out of his mouth were "I'm sorry there is no heartbeat on twin A." I turned my head away from the screen and clutched Eddie's hand. I could not look at all. He then moved to twin "B" and very quickly told me she was OK.
They gave us a refund of $76 since we were now only being seen for 1 baby. We left the office. As we walked to the parking structure I got a text from Bree asking how things were. I just responded "we lost A"
I would give $76 a million times to have her back.
This is not the outcome I hoped, wished or even dreamed of but it is the hand that was dealt to me and I have no choice to take it.
This morning I had an amazing morning with BOTH of my girls. As I drove to work BOTH of them were moving away to the music. I was listening to the Aggrolites. I kept switching what hand I had on the wheel so I could feel both of them kicking my hand. Though I am not in a good frame of mind right now I am very happy that my last moment with BOTH of my girls alive was this moment and I was in the moment.
Today was going to be special Alice wanted to come see our girls. We arranged our appointment so Eddie and her would be there with me. Paul even asked me if "Little Flipper" was still with us. I was certain she was with the morning we had. I told him I was very certain she was.
We waited a little longer today to see the doctor. We got in there and Dr. Shah asked us how things were. I told him good, we just had movement this morning. He hooked me up and went straight for Sophia. The first words out of his mouth were "I'm sorry there is no heartbeat on twin A." I turned my head away from the screen and clutched Eddie's hand. I could not look at all. He then moved to twin "B" and very quickly told me she was OK.
They gave us a refund of $76 since we were now only being seen for 1 baby. We left the office. As we walked to the parking structure I got a text from Bree asking how things were. I just responded "we lost A"
I would give $76 a million times to have her back.
This is not the outcome I hoped, wished or even dreamed of but it is the hand that was dealt to me and I have no choice to take it.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Happy Birthday Eddie
Today is Eddie's birthday. It was about a year ago Eddie told me he was ready to start a family. I thought it was because his dad told him on his 30th birthday that when he was his age Eddie was already 10.
Now look where we are. I am 19 weeks pregnant with two amazing little girls. One that is fighting for her life and hew twin sister that I am sure is her biggest supporter. What these two girls have gone through together in the last 19 weeks is nothing but amazing to me, their Mommy.
Now I am done with my sobbing moment of this. For Eddie's birthday we went to Northwoods Inn. We all went. I felt pregnant for the first time. Both of my girls were moving up a storm. It was just an amazing time with family. I enjoyed a nice steak. I enjoyed our early dinner.
Eddie you have been my rock the last two months. Thank you, I love you and I can not wait to see what the future hold for our family.
Now look where we are. I am 19 weeks pregnant with two amazing little girls. One that is fighting for her life and hew twin sister that I am sure is her biggest supporter. What these two girls have gone through together in the last 19 weeks is nothing but amazing to me, their Mommy.
Now I am done with my sobbing moment of this. For Eddie's birthday we went to Northwoods Inn. We all went. I felt pregnant for the first time. Both of my girls were moving up a storm. It was just an amazing time with family. I enjoyed a nice steak. I enjoyed our early dinner.
Eddie you have been my rock the last two months. Thank you, I love you and I can not wait to see what the future hold for our family.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
18w2d: I am two days late to post, but I have been very sick. This cold sucks. I feel like I am getting better then BOOM I feel horrible again. I went to see Dr. Prema one Friday. Baby "A" is still fighting, she is still alive. We also talked about the fact that it is "Most Probable" that I will have to have a C-Section due to the Cystic Hygroma on Baby "A". So we will prepare for that. She also said we should look into birthing classes and a tour of the hospital in May-ish, so we will.
Alice and I were talking yesterday and she told me that 3 doctors have told us she would not be with us much longer. That was nearly 7 weeks ago. Maybe my miracle will happen. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that is praying for my miracle. That parenting instinct kicked in the second I found out I was pregnant. I would give my own life for my girls.
Really not much to report, just sick.
Alice and I were talking yesterday and she told me that 3 doctors have told us she would not be with us much longer. That was nearly 7 weeks ago. Maybe my miracle will happen. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that is praying for my miracle. That parenting instinct kicked in the second I found out I was pregnant. I would give my own life for my girls.
Really not much to report, just sick.
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