Questions

A few days ago I was reading: http://inthebeginningtherewasgenesis.blogspot.com/ and I saw that Tiffany was answering these questions. I asked her how she got the list and she told me. So I decided that since I was working on my own personal blog I would do the questions a month late. So here are the questions and I will start answering them day by day in November.

Day 1 - a song that reminds you of your child, or one that you can't listen to anymore and why.
Day 2 - a movie that helped you get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at you after your loss.
Day 3 - a television program that helped you either get through hard times or that moves you.
Day 4 - your favorite book. has it changed since your loss?
Day 5 - your favorite quote.
Day 6 - twenty things that calm you.
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy.
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad.
Day 9 - a photo you took since your loss.
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you and how it makes you feel seeing it now.
Day 11 - a photo of you recently and how it makes you feel seeing it now.
Day 12 - something you are OCD about.
Day 13 - a fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.
Day 14 - a non-fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.
Day 15 - what you like about your house.
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly).
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that moves you.
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding.
Day 19 - a talent of yours.
Day 20 - a hobby of yours and how it changed since your loss.
Day 21 - a recipe.
Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since your loss.
Day 23 - a YouTube video that makes you laugh.
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death.
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

Total Inspiration.

Through my journey I have emailed with some of the most amazing women. What they have endured makes what I have been through look like no big deal. The strength they have to make it through their day is simply amazing.

Since my journey with Walk to Remember, Los Angeles began I have always said I feel like this is the least I can do to honor my Sweet Sophia. But somehow in the last month or two I have managed to change my position. I now feel comfort in knowing that Sophia has other children with her. Watching over her and she watching over them. This gives me some comfort. I now feel like my mission is now focused on helping families in their journey.

So this blog post is in honor of all the mothers that have touched my heart and even helped me in so many ways with my own personal journey.

Kassi
Lorena
Bethany
Tiffany
Karen
Bea
Kristen
Lisa
Jessica
TJ
Lucia
Dawn
Shey
Shannon
Heidi
April
Heidi
Cindy
Sherri
Katie
Chrystal
Ryan
Robynn
Amanda
Sarah
Shellby
Amber
Ivette
Leslie
Angie
Emily
Jennifer
Joan
Sylvia
Alie
Harriett
Monica
Martha
Nikki
Brittney
Jodi
Megan

There are so many more that have touched my heart in so many ways. I am not intentionally leaving any off my list. These are just the ones that come to mind at the moment.

Sophia in Hawaii

Sophia on black sand in Hawaii
Sophia on cooled lava rocks

Sophia again on black sand in Hawaii

Sophia's name on a license plate from the Aloha State

These are from Shannon. She is one of my two friends I like to call "Movie Stars". Shannon is from my CTT board. I just had the pleasure of meeting Shannon at our Walk to Remember, Los Angeles. I told her and Shey they are like movie stars to me. Thank you Shannon for thinking of me again.

Story of Hope

I got an email from Stephanie Dyer from Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope. Today is my turn for my Story of Hope.

When I got the email this morning asking for a few pictures from the walk I told her I did not want pick. I sent her the pictures I had and asked her to pick. I love them all.

So here is my Story of Hope:

http://www.facesofloss.com/2010/10/story-of-hope-cassie-walk-to-remember.html

All of these names here are all my inspirations to be a story of hope. I know that every single one of these mothers has their own story of hope and has been all too inspirational in making my story what it is today.

A Personal Time To Refect.

Today Eddie, Mya and I attended the Walk to Remember, Inland Empire. Amanda and Sarah did such a wonderful job with their walk. I was amazed with how many families they had there. I am sure they had double what we did. It is OK. Really I had two months to get everything done. I am by no means at all upset. It was nice to see what they had done.

The whole way to San Bernardino it rained. I was a little concerned since Mya was with us. It was so wonderful as we got off the freeway the rain stopped. The sun came out. The morning was wonderful.

It was so wonderful to finally meet Amanda. She has been such a help in getting Walk to Remember, Los Angeles started.

It was so nice to sit with Eddie and Mya and reflect on our family. What our family would have been and what our simply party of three has become in 2 years and four months.

Thank you Amanda and Sarah for such a lovely morning.

From Kassi

The last two months I have known Kassi she been an simply amazing influence to me. I thank her for thinking of me tonight lighting a candle for Sophia.

Sophia from Katie and Carly

Sophia Edited

Sophia unedited

On this October 15th,, day of awareness I got this email from Katie remembering Sophia. Katie's story of her daughter Carly has touched my heart. Katie is now pregnant with her Rainbow, Eden. I read her blog and am amazed on how well she has shared her story.

Thank you Katie. I spend today thinking of Sophia and Carly.

Just In Time.......

Tuesday I emailed Robyn from October15th.com. to try and get the candle lighting added. I got an email today it has been done.

I love this community of mother so much. We all work together so well.

A Night To Remember

Tonight was A Night To Remember at Huntington. After last years disaster I took back up. This time not only did Mya and I attend but so did Eddie and Alice.

I got there and had a feeling like I really did not want to be there to interact with the staff as they have let me down so much and it has taken me so long to realize this. As I tell everyone I tell Sophia's story to "If I knew then what I know now, things would be different" Plus after my conversation with Mary last week I felt like they could care less if I was there. But then it dawned on me. This is my time to remember Sophia and all that she has done for my life and all the lives she has touched in such a short period of time.

First we ate dinner across the street then we drove over to the hospital. When we got there we were greeting from none other than Mary. She asked us who we were here in honor of. I said we are the Beserra Family and we are here for Sophia. Suddenly she changed her voice and said "Oh hi Cassie, I am so happy you made it" I felt like telling her how much I hurt because of negligence of this hospital, but then I quickly remembered this is a night for and about Sophia. I should not act that way.

I think it is the same program year after year. This year the speaker was a father that lost his daughter on her first birthday. Their story broke my heart.

Then it was time for the flowers. Because of our last name Sophia was first. I did not expect that but it was nice.

After the ceremony we promptly left. I am happy we went and no matter if Huntington chooses to support Walk to Remember, Los Angeles or not we will still attend "A Night To Remember"

Walk to Remember, Los Angeles

What an amazing day. That is really all I can say. I can not begin to thank everyone for their hard work to make this happen. Today I have met so many wonderful Mothers. We all share a common bond .

Eddie has been asking me for weeks what I was going to say at the walk. I woke up this morning at 4:30 am and took a very long shower. I sat in the shower and just reflected on my personal journey of motherhood. Of my loss of my daughter Sophia. Of how hard I have personally worked to make Walk to Remember, Los Angeles a name that families can turn to.

So what did I have to say: We all have one common bond. We are all family members, may it be Mothers, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Grandparents or even Aunts and Uncles, we all have a bond that we have all lost. Not everyone understands what we have been through but we all understand each other.

Again I was just amazed that there were so many people there to help and so many people that joined us. I was happy I got to hear stories from parents, friends and family.

I know that I have so much work ahead of me and this is just the beginning. A break is in order but I feel like I must keep going.

I have to personally thank Kassi for all her hard work. Without her I would have had been so lost. I am sure Mikayla and Sophia are dancing together today. I know Sophia is telling Mikayla it is OK, your Mommy will be OK. It will take time but she will be OK.

Now a more personal note. Sweet Sophia. With out you in my life Walk to Remember, Los Angeles would not have happened today. Little girl you have taught me so much more than I could imagine. You put up one hell of a fight. As long as I live I will tell the world you saved your sister's life. Though I would have given anything to have you here with me I now know this is the way things have to be. I have come in the last two and half years to accept that. Though at times I am not happy about that, I can accept it. I have grieved you, I miss you and most of all I love you. You have made me the person I am today.

I have to personally thank Kassi for all her hard work. Without her I would have had been so lost.

Tonight there is just such a feeling of amazement. I have a feeling that I am so proud of Walk to Remember, Los Angeles and everything it stands for.

Broken Hearts...Sisters Through Tragedy

Tammy Heffner did this in New Jersey on Corrine's Beach. I think this is simply stunning and I want to thank her for including Sophia in her project.

I Guess I Am Not Important Enough.

Yesterday I called to RSVP for "A Night to Remember". This is an annual ceremony at Huntington Hospital to remember the children that have passed away. This will be our third year attending.

After I finished my phone conversation with Mary, I remembered I forgot to ask her if they would be attending the walk. I called right back and she did not answer. So I left a message.

This morning after dropping Mya off at daycare I got a call from Mary. I asked her if they would be attending the walk. Would they like a booth. Her response to me......"Oh you were serious about the walk?" I told her yes we should be having close to 100 guests. She told me she did not have time this year but next year she will.

My feelings on this is don't you deal with grieving families and this is your response to me. No wonder why Mya's birth certificate was messed up and I only got a tiny box filled with nothing personal. Your hospital did not let me see my daughter and I forever hold that against you. Thank you.