Monday, May 30, 2011


I feel like I am in such a funk. I don't know why. I feel like there is so much self sabotage going on and I don't know why I do this to myself.

In a couple days we will enter the busiest most celebrated month in my personal calendar. Mya is so into birthday's right now. She has a long list of celebrating to do. Though I know it is not intentional she never remembers my birthday in the list of celebrations. It is OK though admittedly is stings a little (kind of like Mother's Day).

As I am self sabotaging my life and well being, after I can't help but think to myself. Why do I do this to myself? I know better. Yet again and again I do it.

I am quite content in life hanging out at home at the moment. Those who know me know this is not me at all. But it currently works for me.

In other non depressing news Buster went missing last Saturday night. He was found this past Friday. Alice, Mya and I went to go claim him this morning. After going rounds and rounds with Animal Control we finally got him. Mya was so happy to see him. While I was waiting in line Alice and Mya went to go find him. When they found him Mya comes running into me shouting at the top of her lungs "we found Buster, Mommy! Get the keys so we can go save him" She waited and waited until all was said and done. We finally got Buster back.

Yesterday we attended a birthday party for Ashli, Jon and Joey up in Lake LA. Mya had the time of her life. She jumped for three+ hours. It was nice to see old friends and see Mya enjoy herself, but again I felt that funk the whole time.

Then I also feel like I am really dreading the girls third birthday. To be honest I know I should be WAY past this mopping around feeling that comes over me when I think of Sophia 3+ years later. I feel worse right now then I did for their 1st and 2nd birthday's. Again why I feel like this I just don't know. I know I hate feeling like this but it is the way I feel.

I seem to be so amazed with the way life is for our little family. Mya is doing so well, yet in turn she is testing the waters big time and again I hate that. I hate this part of parenthood.

Enough rambling. That is that for now.

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