I lost one of my twin daughters in utero. Since losing Sophia Rene I have have kept a journal of finding my new normal.
I started keeping a journal when I was pregnant and all was well. I wanted to keep a journal to one day give to my child. I updated it every week. How I felt, what the doctor said anything like that. Then January 15th came. Two naive parents walking into a specialist with there twins expecting to just have a simple ultrasound. Not really the case. That day changed our life forever.
On January 15th we found out two things. 1) our twin A was a little girl 2) she was very ill and according to the doctor with horrible bedside manner she would pass away within two weeks. Though that was not the case, she survived 9 weeks. Which goes to show you Modern Medicine is not PERFECT.
Once my girls were born, I went into Mommy Mode. I cared for my tiny (at the time) surviving twin. The whole time I was learning to be the Mommy I am today I felt a missing piece. I would rarely bring up Sophia as I did not want things to feel weird. But then came a time, I time I could not take up all the built up anger. So many things went wrong. The way we were given information, the way things happened at the hospital, just so many things. So I started keeping up with my journal. Then I started WTRLA and decided it was time to share. I am happy I have this.
There are not too many twin mommy's like me out there. I have three very close to me twin mommy's that I can relate to and they can relate to me. But in the same token there are many mother's of loss out there that I can relate too. Just like so many of us say..... "A loss is a loss" we are all united as one this this horrible common bond. This bond has made us all the women we are today. Strong, loving, beautiful women. I personally am so happy to have you all in my life.
So there you have it. The meaning behind my blog.