I lost one of my twin daughters in utero. Since the loss of Sophia Rene I have kept a journal of finding my new normal.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A Year In.........ME!
I am dedicating this post to the last year in my life. As I sign off to a year of being 30 and move on to 31. I think overall this year has given me some good, some bad and some whatever. But I would not complain as a whole about 30.
30 started with a morning at work with my co-worker covering my desk with 30 confetti that to this day I am still finding in isolated places. I then spent the afternoon with my favorite 1 year old (at the time) and our cousins Linnea and Kiki at one of our favorite places. On Friday Eddie and I spent the day at Disneyland again.
That weekend Eddie had a surprise brunch for me. Mya was sick and was not able to attend which kind of sucked but brunch and stomach flu don't mix. It was a wonderful afternoon with family and friends.
At the end of June we celebrated Mya's second birthday. She had a wonderful time and that was all that mattered. Admittedly celebrating Mya's 2nd birthday was so much easier than her first when it came to remembering Sophia. I think I treated last year as March 11th was Sophia's day and June 30th was Mya's. However this year I seem to be struggling with this whole issue. As I have for the past 2 birthday's I plan on putting a flower on Mya's cake/cupcakes but I plan on finding another way to celebrate my Sweet Sophia's birthday too.
July brought one of my favorite holidays. Independence Day. This year we celebrated Huntington Beach style. We had a fun filled family day and ended it with fireworks. Mya and Kiki even inherited a nice new chair that fits them both perfect.
We enjoyed the rest of July with Friday nights in Old Town Monrovia and Concerts in the park. We enjoyed spending time with family. Mya even went to her first kids concert. We also went to Venice Beach with Mya for the first time with our friends Mike and Karen.
August brought a small vacation for Mya and I. We went to go see my brother Josh and sister Molly. Hands down the best part of the trip was riding the gondola in Telluride and half way up was Station Saint Sophia. I could not take enough pictures of this building. But it was also wonderful for us to see family. This was Mya's first trip out of California and she even got to go to Vegas, baby!
August also brought some other good and bad. Eddie lost one of his cousins, though he was not close to his cousin we always made it a point to spend time with his daughters. Which we still do.
WTRLA found a place for the its 1st Annual WTR. So that meant I had two months to get this ball fully moving. In August I was introduced to an amazing mother. Kassi who without her I would not be able to have got everything done. I am so thankful for her.
September brought us Labor Day party in Lake LA. My Dad and Bea's birthday's and the most special 10 minutes in my eyes. On September 25th, Mya met a little girl named Sophia. It was very hard for me to fight back tears. The most insane part of this story. Our new friend Sophia's birthday is August 2nd,2008, which was my due date. Their hair was the same color and Sophia's had a little wave in it. While Mya was playing with her new friend and I was making small talk with her parents that ever so popular question was asked "is she your only child?" So at that time I told then the truth about Mya. They even told me that Mya and Sophia were meant to meet. I am happy they did.
October was a very amazing month. I did what I set out for and had the 1st Annual Walk to Remember, Los Angeles. October 9th was such an amazing day. I did not expect it to turn out the way it did and it did. I was blessed to have Kassi and her whole support unit as well as my whole support unit there with me. The day was amazing and I accomplished everything I set out to do. All in honor of one of my beautiful baby girls.
We also went to Mickey's Halloween party. Mya danced the night away. Mya also had her first real trick or treat experience which she loved.
November brought my most favorite holiday....Thanksgiving. We hosted Thanksgiving at our house. I hold these week of the month close to my heart as we found out we were expecting the day before Thanksgiving. Also Alice bought a teddy bear for "the baby" on Black Friday. This year it was a nice afternoon. Everyone enjoyed food and family.
In November, Mya also had her first dentist appointment on Black Friday after our traditional Black Friday lunch. I also got sick.
In December I did operation Angel for as many mothers as I could think of. We celebrated Christmas. Mya turned 2 1/2 and we celebrated New Years Eve with the Lieberman's and celebrated Linnea's birthday. Christmas was very peaceful and I even went to Midnight Mass for the first time. I have to say personally I felt a special connection to Sophia. I tell you that Mass was said for Sophia and I. It was a very special time I spent with my parents. I am happy I did it.
New Years Day my Mom and I went to see the Rose Parade floats as we have for the last couple years. I like going with my mom rather then Eddie as she and I love to take our time and look at every possible detail. Though Mya was with us we got three "Crabby Mya" pictures this year. She was not into it this year like she was last year.
In January we also visited the Peterson Automotive Museum and Mya had a trip up to Nana and Papa's house before we got into the real swing of tax time. I found out that I had bronchitis.
February was starting to get busy at work. I was still sick. Mya did get to meet her fellow twin cousins, Mariana and Damien. I found out I still have my phobia of holding babies.
March was crazy at work. I seemed to be getting sicker and finally was referred to a specialist. I made a deal with him, if he gets me through tax time I will do what ever he wants after tax time.
We celebrated Eddie's birthday. We celebrated Sophia on March 11th (13th) I got through one major deadline. Life started hitting me that I miss Mya so much with work being the main thing on my plate of life.
April.... well we all know how my April plays out.
May 1st we celebrated International Babyloss Mother's Day I was so happy how nice the day came out. We celebrated Mother's Day, Gabriel's birthday and we ended May with a trip up to my parents house to celebrate Ashli's birthday. On the way home Mya and I got to go "Somewhere Under the Rainbow" I am not one that is about this kind of thing but I have to say it seems like this year there have been several reminders of Sophia's presence with me.
Also Mya got her first hair cut. It was not much but she loved it.
On May 31st my life was turned upside down for a week. I got a call from my doctor that during my recent CT Scan they found a mass on my breast. All I could think is I am only 30 I am too young. Then I was reminded about my friend Monica had just lost a friend at 27 to breast cancer. So on June 7th I received news that my mass is a non cancerous tumor called at Fiberotoma. It will have to be monitored for 2 years to be sure it is not growing. But it is not cancer. This last week defiantly put life into prospective for me.
June has also brought a second check up for Mya at the dentist. Mya also had her first dance recital and did amazing. She is such a little dancer. We were all amazed in how good she did with only 4 weeks of classes.
Now we will see what this next year brings to my plate of life.