In A Way I Am Happy.

This is hard to say right now but I am happy. I am happy tax time is coming to an end. I am happy that I will have my life back soon. I am happy things are finally rolling again with Walk to Remember, Los Angeles. I am happy I have been able to spend a little more time with Mya, even if it is just giving her a bath and braiding her hair for bed. I went to the Torrance doctor again yesterday and I still have 6 more pounds to loose before I have lost all of my steroid weight. So I am half way there. I have 28 more pounds to loose before I become a candidate for Bypass surgery. But I know I can do. I have made the smallest and simplest changes to my life and things are going better. I drink about 1 regular soda a week which is a huge change for me. I have been making sure I drink a minimum of 100 ounces of water a day. I am almost done with one of the meds I have been taking for my kidney infection. I had a nice talk with my buddy last night and I am very excited for how things are going for her. Though I am approaching the month I would like to skip, I am content right now and I would say that is all that matters.

I Guess I Can't Be Taken Seriously Enough

I am starting to think I juggle way WAY too much. I am quite tied up with income tax season at the moment and I am trying to plan a picnic for International Babyloss Mother's Day.

The way I see it every mother she be recognized as a mother, no matter if the are blessed to have their child with them daily or if their child looks down on them from the heavens.

I am doing my best to get it all done. I want May 1st to be a perfect day for all the mother's and families that will attend Walk to Remember, Los Angeles picnic that day. I have visions of a beautiful day and how I want the event to look.

My hope is that we have the food catered. We will have a balloon release and enjoy our day with our families. I work very hard on Walk to Remember, Los Angeles so everyone that attends our events will have a nice day to reflect and remember their children.

I ask for help and people tell me they will help and then I am left hanging.

I guess I can't be taken seriously enough. Or people just don't see how hard I work and how much this organization means to me.

Things that make me smile.....

Through a very emotional, long and draining evening Mya kept a smile on my face.

For a couple weeks Ed has been singing to Mya "You drop the bomb on me...... BABY baby, you drop the bomb on me" Last night as the five of us sat Mya took it upon herself to sing and do a little booty shaking to keep us all smiling.

Then this morning after Mya only got eight and half hours of sleep, picking her clothes seemed to be a very difficult task as she was cranky, I was tired and she wanted to wear something that was not weather appropriate. Finally we agreed on striped pants, black shirt,coral color tutu and jean jacket. She was dressed, I was dressed and it was time for hair. After Mya's two braids were done she promptly told me "its my turn to brush your hair Mommy!" How could I say no? As she was brushing my hair she told me "Mommy you are a Mermaid" How could my heart not melt?

We go and brush our teeth and go back to my room and she then tells me "Mommy I want to watch Pok-e-o" (For those who don't know toddler that is Pinocchio). I told her that she could watch it tonight when she gets home from school. So tonight since I am going home at a decent hour I will watch Pok-e-o with Mya.

I love how Mya makes me feel better.

Progress

I feel as if I am making progress with my health and everything else in life. I am happy to say I am finally off of prednisone. After three weeks of steroids I gained 12 lbs. Since my last dose on Thursday I have lost five of those pounds so that is a plus.

I have been to the gym two days in a row which given my current schedule is really REALLY good for me. I am keeping the current attitude of I can do. I can do everything I put my mind to. Work and everything else.

Mya spent the weekend at my parents house. At first I was very sad that she would be away for so long. Then once I got use to the idea things seemed to be OK for me. This is the first time she has been away for three days not since I was sick and was quarantined from her.

Friday night I got home from work around 7:00 I took a cat nap for an hour then Eddie and I went to dinner. Admittedly I have to say it was nice to eat slowly, now wrangle the two year old, not share my dinner with a two year old and enjoy my husbands company with our being interrupted for potty breaks.

Saturday I got up went to work came home and Eddie and I spent the evening at Casa de Lieberman. It was nice to chat and enjoy funny conversation. I have to say the highlight of the evening was when I asked Linnea what the plans were for Kirsten's birthday. The conversation went as follows:

Me: So what are your plans for May 10th? (Trying to be slick as Kirsten was standing right next to me)

Linnea: She has school that morning and then probably Disneyland. Then party the weekend after.

Kirsten: May 10th is my birthday.

So apparently I can't get anything past a three, nearly four year old. The whole time I thought I was being good by not saying "Hey Linnea what are you planning for Kirsten's birthday?" Oh well

Sunday morning got up went to WW and then hit the gym. Went home only to find Eddie still sleeping. Got in the shower, got dressed and took a nap before we went to lunch and went to claim my Mini Me. I was so excited to see her. I had a visit with Ashli, which as always was wonderful. Then when I got back Mya had returned back to my parents house from playing with my Mom's co-worker's daughter. We went outside between rain and Mya wanted to play with Nana's car then she discovered Papa's truck and told him she wanted to drive. She was most excited to honk the horn. Every time she did it the biggest smile I have ever seen on her came. This was by far the highlight of her day. I was so happy I got to enjoy the moment with her.

We had dinner with my parents gave Mya a bath and embarked on a three hour trip home. With all the elements of the weather, this was a interesting ride home. But we made it and we are all together again. My small, yet happy family.

A Very Beautiful Way to Celebrate Our Sophia Rene

I appologize in advance. I have taken my time to write this post because I knew it would be hard.........

Through the time I have always spent March 11th remembering, celebrating and missing more than words can describe our precious Sophia Rene. As a family Eddie, Mya and I celebrated Sophia on Sunday, March 13, 2011.

After a marathon of work this week I made it through Friday with my boss telling me that he knew today was a day of memory and I should go home early. Early as in 7pm. This after he asked me other bosses why I had received flowers.

All and all the day was OK. I cried a couple times when I read Facebook posts or when someone would say something to me but the day was mainly peaceful, which is what I wanted.

I worked 16 hours on Saturday and got up early, time change and all to go see two clients on Sunday. Mya had spent the night a Alice & Eddie's on Saturday so I was able to get up and go quickly on Sunday which ment the quicker I got home to my family, the quicker we would have our family day.

When I arrived back home at noon I was greeted by a very happy toddler. We told her we were going to the beach and she immediately told me she needed to wear her Lady Bug "Kini" I told her OK under her clothes. She was happy with that. We packed in the car and were on our way. Mya was asleep before we were in Pasadena. So we stopped for Eddie's birthday taquitos at Cielito Lindo on Olvera Street. Eddie was a happy camper and we were on our way again.

When we arrived a the Redondo Beach Pier Mya had just woke up. She was very excited to see the beach. We walked around the pier a bit then we headed down to the beach. When we got to the beach I found the most perfect way to celebrate Sophia and all over her friends. My initial plan was to purchase a balloon and release it as I have never done that for Sophia personally. BUT they were having the Kite Festival. There were so many beautiful kites soaring above us. Just as there are so many beautiful children in heaven looking down on all of the loving mothers. I was so happy we decided to go to Redondo rather than Santa Monica, it was almost a sign.

All the kites soaring above instantly reminded me of Sophia and all of her friends. Each and every one.

I took Mya down to the water and watched her innocence of being the child she is and enjoyed every moment of it. As soon as she saw the water she wanted to take off her clothes and

be in her "Kini" but it was too chilly for that. As I played with her I wondered if Sophia was looking down at us happy that we were happy. Happy that her "little" sister was enjoying the beach as she has been telling us for the last couple months she wants to go to the beach.

After we were done playing we walked back up to the stroller and to clean our feet. As we were walking to clean our feet I noticed a perfect panda kite. I was so excited. It was a perfect way to end our trip to the beach, once again a perfect sign.

Though I was exhausted I was so happy we spent the afternoon, our little family. I personally enjoyed every moment of it and and happy with the way the weekend turned out. A perfect (for me) way to remember my precious little girl who three years ago we all said good bye to after putting up the fight of her life and giving it her all keep her "little" sister safe and bringing her to me to make my the most proud and loving mother I could ever be.

What Sophia has taught me about life I can not describe but I am so thankful to be the Mommy of two amazing little girls. I am so amazed how such a tiny little girl (15 ounces at birth) touched me personally in such a large way.

I love you Sophia.

Can't It Be About Me For Once?

Besides the feeling of complete exhaustion I also feel a little disappointed. I have been going and going. I am tired, I just want some total me time after I have some total Mya time. I want people to think of me instead of me trying to think of everyone else for a change. This is not me. It is not like I would stop caring about everyone else before myself. I could not tell you why I have this feeling of ME. I know I am tired and that does not help this situation.

I don't know if it is one conversation or one person who makes me feel this way. I have had this horrible feeling the last few days and this is not me. Maybe I feel let down.I do not want to hear I know how you feel. Because unless you have worked over 130 hours since the beginning of the month, and you are a mom that gets to see her child 1 hour a day right now AND you just recognized her twin sisters death 4 days ago. Then you don't know how I feel. I have been running on auto pilot for the last week or so. Who knows. Maybe I am just tired.

I about started crying when Mya called to tell me good night Mommy, I love you. Then Eddie proceeds to tell her "tell Mommy how much you miss her" and she did not say anything. I hope Mya misses me half as much as I miss her. I love when I walk through the door and she yells in the same tone "Mommy"

This I Want to Do After Tax Time

We are to the point in the game all I can do is dream of all the things I will be doing 5 weeks from now. Of course there is always the top three.



1. Spend as much time with Mya & Eddie as possible.

2. Sleep more.

3. Cook at home.



But then there is the fun stuff.

Scrapbook

Sew

All sorts of crafty things

But right now Sleep seems to be coming up to number one.

Thank you Maryjane

The day so far seems to be calm. I have had three little breakdowns but nothing to the point I could not function.

My friend and client brought me the most lovely flowers this afternoon. She knows my favorite flowers and flower colors. Which always makes it special.

Thank you very much Maryjane for helping make my day brighter.

Travel

To travel to work, to travel back in time a little, to travel in to the future.

I had the best night of sleep I have had in over a month last night. I woke up this morning got in and out of the shower before Mya woke up. I was greeted by a very loving little girl this morning, who thanks to her cousin Kiki is even wearing leggings (not tights) today. I turned on the news to see everything happening in our world right now. The footage from Japan is so devastating. Then it hit me this is happening on the third anniversary of Sophia's passing. Just like Hurricane Katrina happened on our first wedding anniversary.

Though this was all Eddie and I were watching we still spent a pleasant morning the three of us. I finished getting ready for work, went down stairs and packed Mya's lunch. Went to my car and Mya wanted to come with me. She sat on my lap in my car and just leaned her head on my shoulder and told me "close the door Mommy". She then told Eddie she wanted to go in my car.

I got a very beautiful text message from one of my friends Lucia this morning that really made me feel like people are remembering Sophia today.

As soon as I got on the freeway it hit me. I teared up right as the song Sweet Child of Mine came on. As I got to the 605 and the 10 I seriously thought about taking the 10 just to be in that last place with my last memory of Sophia kicking. But I did not do it.

As soon as I got off the freeway I got rear ended. Nothing happened to either car, thankfully. I got back in my car and was back on the way. I got to work on time and started my day.

Since then I have got several text messages from friends. Thank you so very much, Lucia, Kassi, Lorena for thinking of my Sweet Sophia.

Looking back at the first anniversary I had so much anger. I hated the world, who would let this happen to my beautiful little girl and my family. Two years ago I obsessed about everything that happened, why certain things did not happen, ect.

Last year I seemed to be more excepting of life. Life only gives us what we can handle and I agree with that. I still to this day do not like what life has given me but I deal. Last year I had WTRLA on the brain. I knew I wanted to do something. I just needed to do it.

This year seems to be the most at peace year yet. As I am sure they will all get easier (for lack of a better word). In the last year since I have met so many mothers of loss can't help but think what our family went through is nothing in the grand scheme of things. It is nothing in comparison to what so many other families I have got to know have been through.

I know that we all share a common bond. We are all families of loss. All of us are different, but the same. Though some tragedies seem to be so much worse when looking at others we are all going through the same thing. It hurts, I know that. I have known that for three years now.

I know there are days that you think of happy things, sad things or even completely off the wall things that have nothing specific to do with anything at all. But I have learned this is grief. In some way, shape or form we all lean to grieve in what ever way we personally see fit. I have learned things are different for Mommy's and Daddy's. There is nothing I can do about that.

I would like to personally thank anyone who has taken a minute to reflect on my beautiful daughter today.

The Pain In My Heart.

Last night I got this pain in my chest. It felt like contractions. It would come and go, come and go, come and go. At 10:00 pm last night I gave up. I called it a night. As soon as I got to my car I called Eddie and told him I needed to talk to him on my drive home. We talked the whole way home.

I calmly evaluated everything that had happened yesterday and decided we will see what happens. When I arrived home I went straight to bed. I did not go to sleep because I was still having the pain in my heart.

Finally about 12:30 I fell asleep. I woke up around 5:45, I could not sleep anymore. Now tonight I pay the price. I am very tired. As I sit at work typing and staring at the picture of Sophia and Mya's Mickey Mouse Ears, I wonder what the next two days will bring me. How will Friday be. I know I will not be able to attend the OC Face2Face group because there is talk of working late on Friday, which also means that anything I might try and plan for this weekend for Sophia will not happen as there is also talk of working on Sunday too.

I think I have just decided that I can plan to reflect privately and keep to myself Friday. I can't do much more. I feel horrible for that statement. I know what I do on my own will be fine. I was thinking of maybe going to the park across the street from Risher and releasing a balloon for Sophia. I have never in all my time being a BLM released a balloon for Sophia.

I still struggle with the thought that three years seems like an eternity in Sophia years but so little of time in Mya years.

Recently I was day dreaming what life would be like with a complete set of twins. I don't know how I got started in this particular day dream but I was thinking that most likely if Sophia was here with us she would be getting her "younger" sister's hand me downs and how I would really be getting good use out of Mya's clothes. I don't know why the most superficial, unimportant things make me think of Sophia. All I was doing was going through Mya's clothes getting rid of her 24 months PJ's and clothes as I think 13 months of size 24 month is a good run. Mya's favorite pink "dance shoes" are now too small and I was thinking that Sophia would love them.

I think, no matter what Sophia's situation would be if she were alive she would be so beautiful and so very, VERY different than her sister. They would be quite the opposite. But I know Mya would love her sister more than anything in this world. What I would give to have the chance to see them interact as sisters, twins, inseparables. Everyone would love Sophia the way they love Mya. Only in a perfect world.

What I would give for March 11th to be just another day in my pregnancy journal with some cute Ultrasound pictures of A&B. But unfortunately it is not that day. It is the day I will classify as one of the worse three days in my life.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear

How do I love you?


Happy Birthday Brown Bear. Minus the part after 4:45 pm and after. I hope your birthday was nice. I am sorry we can not be together this evening. I am sorry your vacation plans have been ruined. I don't know what to say. Simply I am sorry.


You have made me a proud wife, an even prouder Mama. You have also made me the person I am today. How did the two of us make such beautiful daughters? You are an amazing father.

Ask Mya.

I love to see the way her face lights up when she sees you come through the door. You are her Daddy (and even at times her Eddie).


Though it drives me crazy, I am now learning to accept the fact you will always leave you pants on the bathroom floor. I don't like it, especially after I have cleaned the bathroom, but I have learned it is easier to just pick them up myself rather then complain.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, on this birthday, in our tenth year of being US, I hope you know what you mean to me. I know we both always say we should not be a married couple. We are so competitive with each other and yet we take care of each other. We compliment each other. Though everyone (you know) thinks I am your "older lady" or why would someone like me be with you. What do they know? Like I said this is us. We are us. Brown Bear & Polar Bear with our little Panda Bear.

Happy Birthday Love. I am sorry I am not with you tonight. I love you............ Most of the time (sarcasm your favorite trait)!

I leave you with a picture of my two silly faces celebrating on Sunday as a family.

Simply Dead

Nearly two weeks ago I fought with my doctor about taking time off of work. Telling him it was not practical at this time. I can't do it my office needs me too much. I did not want a repeat of three years ago. Letting them down at tax time. Well apparently tonight it has come to my attention that I have let them down. I don't know if I was the target after a bad day or if they simply feel this way. I however now feel like I should have taken the two weeks off to worry about my health.

To put my life in some sort of priority I would have to say number one is Mya. Hands down, no questions asked. Mya is fighting what we now believe is just a little something she caught at school. My next priority is work, but apparently work feels like they need to be number one. Leaving my hands tied. So I guess settling for seeing my daughter for at most 24 hours a week will have to do for the next month and 10 days.

I am beyond tired of being sick. I don't want Mya to get what I have and it seems like the doctor is not worried about that so we should be good.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't be everything to everyone. I hate this. I hate the feeling right now. I want to be at home enjoying my husbands birthday with him not at work. So from now until April 18th I have to be at work at 8:30 am until I am released. Case closed.

The Good, The Bad and the Congested.

This week Eddie has to work early. THE GOOD: So that means it is Mya and I every morning this week. I was defiantly looking forward to Mya and I having some quality time together this week in the mornings.

THE CONGESTED: Mya did not wake up until 6:45, which is late for her. She is usually a 5:55 - 6:00am person. So I started folding laundry listened to the news and started getting my stuff ready for work. I finally heard her waking up at 6:45 so I went in to her room and she sounded horrible. So we got up went potty, went to Mommy's room and I brought out the good old hospital grade nasal aspirator and the Little Noses. We decided to wait and half hour to figure out what we would do.

A half hour passed, I continued to do house work since I was home and then the time came to make the decision. I decided Mya was staying home today. So I called Grandma & Nana and got the team together for Team Mya sick day. My mom left Lancaster at 7:45 and Alice had a couple appointments in the morning, so she would relieve my mom at 2:00pm so she would miss traffic. Eddie got off of work at 3:30 so he would take the 4th shift.

At last check in Mya was in bed at 7:45 with Vick's and the humidifier. The general consensus is she will be OK tomorrow for school. My hope is that she is not getting what I am fighting. I do not have three months to fight Bronchitis for Mya too and I can't not bare to have her go through what I am going through.

THE BAD: Eddie just called..... Buster in missing. He knows/thinks I blame him for this. He knows that I protect our dog from him since they don't see eye to eye. He told me he knew what I would say, he looked all over and now we don't know where he is.

So this is my crazy day.

What did I do for 36 hours without internet and cell phone?

32 hours turned into 36 hours since Mya now seems to have caught a touch of something. So what did I do with myself?

We told Mya we would go see Rango yesterday. Mya woke up at 4:30am to come to bed with me. I grabbed my laptop and started to turn it on figuring she would stay away. She told me "No Mommy, night, night" So she stopped me from cracking. So we went back to sleep until 7:00, which was like sleeping in for she and I.

At 7:15 I went to Weight Watcher's to weigh in. I knew what the outcome would be, but I want to stay accountable even with circumstances. But much to my surprise I was only up 4.2 lbs versus the 6 I was up on Thursday morning. So I was shocked. I went home and cooked breakfast for Eddie and I. Mya requested her most favorite meal of pancakes so her breakfast was easy. We all at breakfast, this meant I was two for two as far as meals were concerned and I knew that would end right then. I cleaned the kitchen and put away the dishes while Eddie sat in the leaving room reading to Mya. When I poked my head over to the living there they were sitting on the couch having a cute moment.

I sat down to enjoy the feeling of relaxation and then Eddie says what time does Rango start? Mya promptly said I don't want to watch Rango. She had been very excited all night Saturday night to see Rango now in a quick second, "No Rango". So Rango has been postponed to next weekend when I am at work. So then Eddie said looked at me and said what do you want to do? The beach? The Rat House (Disneyland)? I said the Zoo is free. So after a chat we came up with California Adventure. At 10:15 we were on the way to Mickey's House. We had a nice three hours, a couple rides, lunch at a new place (for us) Storytellers Cafe and home.

We went home and all took a nap. I have to say that was nice. Just time in bed relaxing. Eddie and I caught some of VH1's 100 Greatest Artists of all time. Mya woke up about 4:30 and we all got ready for dinner to celebrate Eddie's birthday.

Mya was completely infatuated with the restroom at North Woods Inn. She loved the fact that it had a vanity. We had a nice dinner. Mya was quite the character as usual. After dinner we went to the "compound" for birthday cake.

We were home and Mya and I were back in my bed by 7:45. So that was our day. Since Mya woke up sick this morning. Leaving for school/work was not the normal 7:30. So my 32 hours got delayed to noon as stayed home this morning cleaning my house. Not my favorite chore but it needed to be done. I made dinner before I left for work.

It was nice to relax and get over the week/weekend. Maybe I will do it again next weekend. But I don't know, word on the hall is I may be working all weekend so we will see.

How Does One Prepare?

This is always a very interesting week on my calendar. Tuesday is Eddie's birthday and Friday will be the three year anniversary of Sophia's death. A week that starts so joyous and ends on such a different note.

We typically don't do anything specific to remember Sophia. I usually remember and grieve in my own personal way. But this year I feel different. I want to do something different. I took the step this year of putting it on our family calendar March 11th "Remembering Sophia" with a picture of her name in sand. It is on the calendars that I made for us, my parents, Eddie's parents and Molly. I guess that is the first step. I also spent some time tonight working on this blog. Adding some sidebar stuff. There may be a blog make over in my future for Living A New Normal.

Recently, I have even been thinking that three years seems like so long ago. How or what do you do to remember/celebrate such an amazing little girl. Part of me does not feel comfortable making an event on Facebook but the other part of me feels like I should do something amazing like my wonderful friend Sheyenne did for her amazing daughter Whitney Jill's 1st birthday:
http://www.whitneyjill.com/raok-day.html or should I plan something special for Eddie, Mya and I? I just don't know. All I know is that this year I want to reflect with my family, not alone in my car listening to The Aggrolites holding my stomach, driving on the 10 freeway between Atlantic & Fremont thinking of her last kicks. Or thinking what life would be like with two 2 1/2 year olds.

I think because unlike many of my fellow babyloss mom's there is such a long time between the date of Sophia's death and her actual birth day I personally have treated March 11th as Sophia's day. The day my girls were born is such an day of mixed emotions looking back. Everyone was so consumed with Mya's safe arrival and not at all about Sophia or Sophia & Mya, twin A & twin B. I have so many personal regrets about that day and I know there is nothing I can do about it now. But on the other hand I am so blessed to have Mya.

So tomorrow will start the celebrations of Eddie's birthday. We will have dinner at Northwoods Inn, which is the same place we had dinner three years ago to celebrate Eddie's birthday. I remember what clothes I wore, we went as a family, Eddie, Eddie, Alice, Gabriel and I. We all went in my car, I drove. We will see how the rest of this week plays out.

Tonight I made dinner at home (for the first time in two weeks). Eddie and I were eating and talking about Tuesday and we decided to most likely have dinner in. I know Mya is very excited for her Daddy's birthday, because she knows birthday= cake.

The rest of the week will be untold.

Glad It Is All Over

Today was leg two of WTRLA's Rummage Sale. We had one family come and help set up, thank you Ott's and that was it. I am glad we are done with all this rummage sale business. Now I can start working on the Mother's Day Picnic on May 1st.

It is my deepest hope that everything gets done for the picnic. I don't know how much I can do with limited time for the next six weeks.

Part of me is beyond happy to be done with this and the other part of me is happy to be done with this. I can't keep relying on my family to get things for my organization done. Tomorrow I plan on spending my day with my family. Enjoying my day with my husband and daughter. Getting laundry done, ect.

Family

Anyone that knows me knows I am all about family. I love the opportunity to be with my family.

Tonight Eddie, Martha, Ritchie and even Mya helped Walk to Remember, Los Angeles out in a huge way. We were able to move about half of our storage to the Rummage Sale site. Mya was dragging bags to the elevator and truck, she was very eager to help. She passed out 10 minutes after we got back in the car. So this is proof that Rummage Sale is hard work for a two and half year old.

Eddie was very frustrated I had not lined up any help for last night. Simply put I have been busy with work, being sick and trying to make the one to two hours a day I actually see Mya the most. I have posted about the Rummage Sale, at this time I feel like that is all I can do. I personally feel that if people want to volunteer I am not going to force them. I want Walk to Remember, Los Angeles to be a positive thing. I don't want to be the witchy woman that hunts people down to make them help us out.

I have made a very big decision concerning Walk to Remember, Los Angeles. From here on out we will not have any fundraisers during tax time. I can't do it and I can not expect Eddie to do everything. I can't expect my family to bail me out any more then the already do during this time of year. I don't want Eddie to be frustrated at me because of WTRLA. I still thrive to make this a positive thing for me as well. I simply put do not need the stress of adding this to my plate January thru April.

But again I would like to thank everyone for their donations and anyone that helped out, or will be helping out tomorrow with the sale. It does mean a lot to me and to WTRLA.

Oh March, why?

March is an insane month for me. March is a happy month for me. And simply put March blows, for the most part.

Today I found out one of my fellow BLM's lost her rainbow. I always told her this rainbow was a little girl. I always told her I would be there for her and now I feel like I am letting her down. I know what it is like to loose in March.

March is not only Sophia's anniversary (for lack of a better way to describe it) but it is also the 4th birth day for another friend's daughter. Tonight I got a call from her and I simply felt so helpless. I hate to think all that she is currently going through, at a time when she does not need any extra going on. I know that at this time all I can do is lend an ear, though that seems like nothing I really hope she knows I care for her and do not like to see/hear her in pain. As she always tells me "I worry about you" I tell her the same but for other reasons.

So though my friends and I all have a common bond it hurts me to know that we now have another common bond....... March.

Thought I Should Write Something......

One week ago I found out I have Chronic Bronchitis. I have had it for about three months. This would explain my hideous cough I have. I was put on a round of Prednisone in hopes that would take care of everything. But it has not. I found out Wednesday in a matter of four days I had gained six pounds, which is not exactly good for my weight loss journey.



Yesterday morning I went for a check up for the Bronchitis and things are getting worse. The put me on Prednisone for 5 days and it did nothing. So my doctor felt the need to send me to the Pulmonary Doctor ASAP, which happened to be an hour later. So I drove from Temple City to Pasadena for the appointment. After an hour evaluation he basically told me the Bronchitis is being caused from "most likely" a sinus infection I got at the beginning that never really cleared itself up properly. SO this now means I am going to be doing two to ten times more Prednisone daily for a week then it will drop down to one to five times the dose the second week. So we will see what will happen in two weeks. I hope this is the real beginning of the end. I can't take this anymore. I need to be better. I have been sick all of tax season. It sucks.

On the nights I am home when Mya goes to bed, I go to bed with her. One the nights I get home late I am in bed 10 minutes after I get home. My house is suffering. I can't expect Eddie to take care of our daughter and keep our house up. He has been amazing this tax season. I am so thankful to have him.

I am now to the point I feel like no matter how much I sleep I am not going to get better. I am hoping the new doctor is going to help me fix it.

Tonight our plan for the Rummage Sale is to get as much over to the sale site as possible so we don't have to make the journey in the morning. Also I scored Starbucks Coffee for the morning. I can not think City of Commerce Starbucks for all the generous support. Priscilla YOU ROCK!