Monday, March 14, 2011

Can't It Be About Me For Once?

Besides the feeling of complete exhaustion I also feel a little disappointed. I have been going and going. I am tired, I just want some total me time after I have some total Mya time. I want people to think of me instead of me trying to think of everyone else for a change. This is not me. It is not like I would stop caring about everyone else before myself. I could not tell you why I have this feeling of ME. I know I am tired and that does not help this situation.

I don't know if it is one conversation or one person who makes me feel this way. I have had this horrible feeling the last few days and this is not me. Maybe I feel let down.I do not want to hear I know how you feel. Because unless you have worked over 130 hours since the beginning of the month, and you are a mom that gets to see her child 1 hour a day right now AND you just recognized her twin sisters death 4 days ago. Then you don't know how I feel. I have been running on auto pilot for the last week or so. Who knows. Maybe I am just tired.

I about started crying when Mya called to tell me good night Mommy, I love you. Then Eddie proceeds to tell her "tell Mommy how much you miss her" and she did not say anything. I hope Mya misses me half as much as I miss her. I love when I walk through the door and she yells in the same tone "Mommy"

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