To travel to work, to travel back in time a little, to travel in to the future.
I had the best night of sleep I have had in over a month last night. I woke up this morning got in and out of the shower before Mya woke up. I was greeted by a very loving little girl this morning, who thanks to her cousin Kiki is even wearing leggings (not tights) today. I turned on the news to see everything happening in our world right now. The footage from Japan is so devastating. Then it hit me this is happening on the third anniversary of Sophia's passing. Just like Hurricane Katrina happened on our first wedding anniversary.
Though this was all Eddie and I were watching we still spent a pleasant morning the three of us. I finished getting ready for work, went down stairs and packed Mya's lunch. Went to my car and Mya wanted to come with me. She sat on my lap in my car and just leaned her head on my shoulder and told me "close the door Mommy". She then told Eddie she wanted to go in my car.
I got a very beautiful text message from one of my friends Lucia this morning that really made me feel like people are remembering Sophia today.
As soon as I got on the freeway it hit me. I teared up right as the song Sweet Child of Mine came on. As I got to the 605 and the 10 I seriously thought about taking the 10 just to be in that last place with my last memory of Sophia kicking. But I did not do it.
As soon as I got off the freeway I got rear ended. Nothing happened to either car, thankfully. I got back in my car and was back on the way. I got to work on time and started my day.
Since then I have got several text messages from friends. Thank you so very much, Lucia, Kassi, Lorena for thinking of my Sweet Sophia.
Looking back at the first anniversary I had so much anger. I hated the world, who would let this happen to my beautiful little girl and my family. Two years ago I obsessed about everything that happened, why certain things did not happen, ect.
Last year I seemed to be more excepting of life. Life only gives us what we can handle and I agree with that. I still to this day do not like what life has given me but I deal. Last year I had WTRLA on the brain. I knew I wanted to do something. I just needed to do it.
This year seems to be the most at peace year yet. As I am sure they will all get easier (for lack of a better word). In the last year since I have met so many mothers of loss can't help but think what our family went through is nothing in the grand scheme of things. It is nothing in comparison to what so many other families I have got to know have been through.
I know that we all share a common bond. We are all families of loss. All of us are different, but the same. Though some tragedies seem to be so much worse when looking at others we are all going through the same thing. It hurts, I know that. I have known that for three years now.
I know there are days that you think of happy things, sad things or even completely off the wall things that have nothing specific to do with anything at all. But I have learned this is grief. In some way, shape or form we all lean to grieve in what ever way we personally see fit. I have learned things are different for Mommy's and Daddy's. There is nothing I can do about that.
I would like to personally thank anyone who has taken a minute to reflect on my beautiful daughter today.