Happy Birthday Sophia Rene and Mya Quinn

Three years ago today I became a Mommy.

Though I was not scheduled to become a Mommy for two extra days, Mya had plans of her own. I went to the hospital for my last NST test and found out this was the day my little girls would make their appearance.

Looking back now at this day there were so many things that went wrong and I just went with the flow. Then there is that phrase I so often use now. "If I knew then what I know now, things would have been different" I knew and had prepared myself for leaving the hospital with one child not two. Yes a big part of me was missing BUT I did not hit me until 3 months later. So yes in someways this was to be one of the hardest days of my life because I became a mother to Sophia. But I did not treat it that way because I had 14 weeks to prepare myself for the way things had to be. It was also to be one of the best days of my life because I became a mother to Mya.

This past month has been something else for me. I have struggled so much with my girls turning 3 years old. But today I celebrate them. Last night Linnea gave me the most awesome gift ever. "I'm Celebrating Sophia and Mya"

So today I did just that. I celebrated Sophia and Mya.

This year we did things a little different. We spent the night in Anaheim to spend two days at Disneyland. Last night Mya spent her last as a two year old at California Adventure. We ate dinner, watched World of Color and I got to see all the innocence in my child's eyes as she watched the show in such amazement.

This morning before Mya woke up I posted on facebook in her album of "Mya the beginning the middle and current" this picture. It is just so amazing to see what I have done in the last three years with this amazing little girl. Without Mya I don't know where I would be. As I posted on my facebook this morning:

"Today is the 3rd birth day of of my two beautiful daughters. Sophia- I love you, miss you, and thank you for making me the woman and mother I am today. Mya - My rock. I don't know how in the world I could have survived the last three years with out you. I love you and happy birthday. You have a very magical day."

And we did just that. Mya was truly a treated with like royalty today. After her appointment at the Bipity Bopity Boutique we enjoyed the day at Disneyland. We even sat and watched the parade. While waiting for the parade Mya and Eddie spent some quality father daughter time running and jumping. Mya's day was filled with so many "Happy Birthday Princess" comments she was so excited.

This year she has been so excited for birthday's, and not just hers any one's birthday she gets to celebrate. Being told "Happy Birthday" all day really made this special for her.

To Mya I simply say this:

My Dearest Mya,
I love you. You are my little lady and I can not wait to see what this next year brings you. I know I am being biased but you are truly an amazing little girl. I love you so much and could not imagine life without you. Happy Birthday Miss Mya Quinn!

My Dearest Sophia,
I love you, miss you and always wish I got to spend just one moment with you. I always wonder how life would be with you in our arms and not just in our hearts. I can't thank you enough for making me the person I am today. Happy Birth Day My Sweet Sophia!

So three years ago today I said hello and good bye to my beautiful twin A Sophia Rene, born at 8:15 pm weighing 15.4 oz.

Also three years ago today at 8:16 pm I said hello to my baby, twin B, Mya Quinn. weighing 5 lbs 8 oz.

I love you girls!

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 17-

Someone you would want to switch lives w/ for one day and why

I really don't want to switch lives with anyone. Though I have some issues I am happy with my life. I like who I am. I like what I do. I love my family and I could not ask for any more.

{Embrace} The Camera Thursday

This has been a wonderful week in photos for me as I have been having so much fun playing with my new camera. But today in the mail I received this:

I already have one piece that has Sophia's name on it. But this one is beyond perfect. I has both of their names and birth stones. Plus it has a dragonfly. My favorite. I love it, it is too perfect.

So I give you my self portrait of my wonderful necklace. I LOVE IT!

Trying To Keep Accountable

I am really trying hard not to slack off. This has been a very hard task for me. I feel like I am at this certain crossroads in my life. I want a tidy house. I was to try and cook new things when possible. I want to be the best housewife and mother I possibly can be.

In this process Eddie and I are trying to cut back on the number of times we eat out from 2-4 times a week to 1-2 times a week. Between Eddie playing softball and racket ball three nights a week and me being completely exhausted from a full work day and sometimes two plus hours of commuting a day dinner is the last thing I worry about for Eddie and I. Mya on the other hand, she eats her dinner as soon as we get home. But I am guilty sometimes that consists of a happy meal of sorts.

So here is how dinner went this week

Monday: Roasted chicken, rice, sauteed mushrooms or salad 

(or bock bock chicken as my two year old refers to any chicken that is not a nugget or dino)

Tuesday: I took the left over chick shredded it and made red and green non-fried enchiladas

Wednesday: I took the rest of the shredded chicken & made taquitos with chicken, sharp cheddar & ricotta

Thursday: Mya and I were bad since Eddie was playing softball. Mya and I had Panda Express.

Friday: I plan on making "G" Taco's.

I also got the chance to try out my new pots and pans I got from my birthday from my parents. I have to say the fideo and rice I made this week both came out quite perfect. Even Eddie commented on the rice. So as Alice says it is in the pan. Eddie has even been instructed no frying eggs with my pans. I kept one egg pan for him.

Lets hope I can keep this up.

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

I am not a fan of these picture tasks.

Mya and I celebrating Sophia.

It was two days late but I really enjoyed celebrating all that Sophia was and still is.

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Since I am now the new owner of a IPod (a birthday gift from Eddie) I can answer this post.

1. Black Lung - Aggrolites, from the Dirty Regge album
2. Club Mediation - Hepcat, from the Out of Nowhere album
3. Can't Get You Off My Mind - Lenny Kravitz, from Greatest Hits
4. Devils Haircut - Beck, from Odelay
5. The Last DJ - Tom Petty
6. Soul Refreshing - Robert Randolph
7. Glycerine - Bush from Sixteen Stone
8. Miss Congeniality - Hepcat from Out of Nowhere
9. Here We Go Again - Everclear
10. Float - Flogging Molly from Float

I would say this is a very big mix of the music I like and listen to.

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 12-

How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Living A New Normal is my second blog. My first blog I started was for Mya. I started that one when she was one month old. At the time my little six pounder was my everything. I think that our new life had not hit me yet.

I started Living A New Normal in October 2010. I had planned on it being a place where I could put my previous journals I had written about my life parenting a surviving twin. In the last 8 months it has been an outlet for me personally. I find it to be healing with anything that may bother me.

I honestly don't care how much traffic it gets. It is a place for me to write me feelings. I know I am not the best writer but I still can express my feelings.

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are

Happy

Sad

Bored

Hyped

Mad

I think this challenge is going to make me think some. I don't know why but I have always listened to Dave Matthews Band "What Would You Say" on this day simply for the one line in the song "Mom its my birthday would you say". Chris and I would always listen to DMB together. I always think of him when I listen to DMB.

On my way to work I like to listen to Adele- Rolling In The Deep to get me ready for my work day. So I guess we could say this is to get my Hyped.

I consider "The Pretty Song" to be my Sophia song. I always think of both Sophia and Mya when I hear Sweet Child O Mine but I say this is my Mya song.

I love listening to all types of music. For some reason right now I have a person connections to Float by Flogging Molly. I don't know. It is just the song I listen to these days.

Seems like I veered a little off topic but there are the songs I listen too most frequently.

{Embrace} The Camera Thursday

For my birthday I got a new camera. So I present one of the pictures from the first night I got my camera.

Mya working very hard at her music class.

On her own she has decided she likes the piano. We tried percussion but she has decided she wants to play piano. So every Monday evening at 7pm Mya has her music class with Miss Jen. For being only 2 years old she is doing pretty good.

A Year In.........ME!

I am dedicating this post to the last year in my life. As I sign off to a year of being 30 and move on to 31. I think overall this year has given me some good, some bad and some whatever. But I would not complain as a whole about 30.

30 started with a morning at work with my co-worker covering my desk with 30 confetti that to this day I am still finding in isolated places. I then spent the afternoon with my favorite 1 year old (at the time) and our cousins Linnea and Kiki at one of our favorite places. On Friday Eddie and I spent the day at Disneyland again.

That weekend Eddie had a surprise brunch for me. Mya was sick and was not able to attend which kind of sucked but brunch and stomach flu don't mix. It was a wonderful afternoon with family and friends.

At the end of June we celebrated Mya's second birthday. She had a wonderful time and that was all that mattered. Admittedly celebrating Mya's 2nd birthday was so much easier than her first when it came to remembering Sophia. I think I treated last year as March 11th was Sophia's day and June 30th was Mya's. However this year I seem to be struggling with this whole issue. As I have for the past 2 birthday's I plan on putting a flower on Mya's cake/cupcakes but I plan on finding another way to celebrate my Sweet Sophia's birthday too.

July brought one of my favorite holidays. Independence Day. This year we celebrated Huntington Beach style. We had a fun filled family day and ended it with fireworks. Mya and Kiki even inherited a nice new chair that fits them both perfect.

We enjoyed the rest of July with Friday nights in Old Town Monrovia and Concerts in the park. We enjoyed spending time with family. Mya even went to her first kids concert. We also went to Venice Beach with Mya for the first time with our friends Mike and Karen.

August brought a small vacation for Mya and I. We went to go see my brother Josh and sister Molly. Hands down the best part of the trip was riding the gondola in Telluride and half way up was Station Saint Sophia. I could not take enough pictures of this building. But it was also wonderful for us to see family. This was Mya's first trip out of California and she even got to go to Vegas, baby!

August also brought some other good and bad. Eddie lost one of his cousins, though he was not close to his cousin we always made it a point to spend time with his daughters. Which we still do.

WTRLA found a place for the its 1st Annual WTR. So that meant I had two months to get this ball fully moving. In August I was introduced to an amazing mother. Kassi who without her I would not be able to have got everything done. I am so thankful for her.

September brought us Labor Day party in Lake LA. My Dad and Bea's birthday's and the most special 10 minutes in my eyes. On September 25th, Mya met a little girl named Sophia. It was very hard for me to fight back tears. The most insane part of this story. Our new friend Sophia's birthday is August 2nd,2008, which was my due date. Their hair was the same color and Sophia's had a little wave in it. While Mya was playing with her new friend and I was making small talk with her parents that ever so popular question was asked "is she your only child?" So at that time I told then the truth about Mya. They even told me that Mya and Sophia were meant to meet. I am happy they did.

October was a very amazing month. I did what I set out for and had the 1st Annual Walk to Remember, Los Angeles. October 9th was such an amazing day. I did not expect it to turn out the way it did and it did. I was blessed to have Kassi and her whole support unit as well as my whole support unit there with me. The day was amazing and I accomplished everything I set out to do. All in honor of one of my beautiful baby girls.

We also went to Mickey's Halloween party. Mya danced the night away. Mya also had her first real trick or treat experience which she loved.

November brought my most favorite holiday....Thanksgiving. We hosted Thanksgiving at our house. I hold these week of the month close to my heart as we found out we were expecting the day before Thanksgiving. Also Alice bought a teddy bear for "the baby" on Black Friday. This year it was a nice afternoon. Everyone enjoyed food and family.

In November, Mya also had her first dentist appointment on Black Friday after our traditional Black Friday lunch. I also got sick.

In December I did operation Angel for as many mothers as I could think of. We celebrated Christmas. Mya turned 2 1/2 and we celebrated New Years Eve with the Lieberman's and celebrated Linnea's birthday. Christmas was very peaceful and I even went to Midnight Mass for the first time. I have to say personally I felt a special connection to Sophia. I tell you that Mass was said for Sophia and I. It was a very special time I spent with my parents. I am happy I did it.

New Years Day my Mom and I went to see the Rose Parade floats as we have for the last couple years. I like going with my mom rather then Eddie as she and I love to take our time and look at every possible detail. Though Mya was with us we got three "Crabby Mya" pictures this year. She was not into it this year like she was last year.

In January we also visited the Peterson Automotive Museum and Mya had a trip up to Nana and Papa's house before we got into the real swing of tax time. I found out that I had bronchitis.

February was starting to get busy at work. I was still sick. Mya did get to meet her fellow twin cousins, Mariana and Damien. I found out I still have my phobia of holding babies.

March was crazy at work. I seemed to be getting sicker and finally was referred to a specialist. I made a deal with him, if he gets me through tax time I will do what ever he wants after tax time.

We celebrated Eddie's birthday. We celebrated Sophia on March 11th (13th) I got through one major deadline. Life started hitting me that I miss Mya so much with work being the main thing on my plate of life.

April.... well we all know how my April plays out.

May 1st we celebrated International Babyloss Mother's Day I was so happy how nice the day came out. We celebrated Mother's Day, Gabriel's birthday and we ended May with a trip up to my parents house to celebrate Ashli's birthday. On the way home Mya and I got to go "Somewhere Under the Rainbow" I am not one that is about this kind of thing but I have to say it seems like this year there have been several reminders of Sophia's presence with me.

Also Mya got her first hair cut. It was not much but she loved it.

On May 31st my life was turned upside down for a week. I got a call from my doctor that during my recent CT Scan they found a mass on my breast. All I could think is I am only 30 I am too young. Then I was reminded about my friend Monica had just lost a friend at 27 to breast cancer.  So on June  7th I received news that my mass is a non cancerous tumor called at Fiberotoma. It will have to be monitored for 2 years to be sure it is not growing. But it is not cancer. This last week defiantly put life into prospective for me.

June has also brought a second check up for Mya at the dentist. Mya also had her first dance recital and did amazing. She is such a little dancer. We were all amazed in how good she did with only 4 weeks of classes.

Now we will see what this next year brings to my plate of life.

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

I have waited for today's post to report back on my appointment on Tuesday. I had a Mammogram and Ultrasound on Tuesday to find out what the mass on my right breast was. Well I am happy to report back it is NOT CANCER. But it is a Fiberotoma. A Fiberotoma is a non-canerous tumor.

The plan for my Fiberotoma is that I will be seen once every 6 months for 2 years to check it. Should it start to grow they will remove it.

I know this seems like a very shallow thing to be proud about but none the less I am proud and happy that in the scheme of things this turned out to be a very minor thing that I can take care of.

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

This is an easy one. I would just like to get through this month. June is the busiest month for me personally. We have nothing but birthdays this month. The best birthday is the last day of the month. We will celebrate Mya on June 30th at Disneyland.

I think it is a simple goal but I would like to keep it.

THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF THEIR OWN DREAMS

As I sit in the second waiting room waiting to get this show and the road this sign sits right in front of me.

I woke up this morning at 4:30 wondering what my future holds for me. Though I do not know what my future holds I do know what ever it is I will fight my best to make it right for my daughter. I will continue to do my work in Sophia's name and keep a positive outlook in life.

When I walked into Huntington Hill I waited a minute. Then it was my turn to check in. While checking in a woman walked up to the desk to ask a question. While talking to the nurse she made a comment that stuck to me like you would not believe. "I have had cancer 3 times already I just want to be sure"

I have so much respect for this woman. I don't know her, she does not know me but I certainly respect her.

All week I have been telling myself as well as anyone I have talked to "I am fine" "I don't have cancer" "They are just checking things to be sure all is well"

However this morning I woke up feeling different. I could not tell myself any of that. My future will be known in the next hour or so. Isn't that something else? My whole life may change very shortly. We may be switching to breaking news. Who knows.

Before I go in I will say this: This is just a check up, nothing is wrong.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

This is my first picture I have collected of Sophia's name. It was done the day of Mya's 1st birthday party. When I received it such peace came over me.

Since I never got to see my Sweet Sophia this is exactly how I envision her. Perfect as can be. When I think of the beauty of my daughter I always think of this picture.

I personally would like to thank Carly for how much of a positive impact she has had to all the families of loss.

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Hmm. I don't know that I have a favorite super hero. I will say my favorite is "SUPER MOM" I don't know if she exists but I envy her. I wish I could be a super mom.

I currently am struggling in this field. That is why I wish I could be "Super Mom" she is awesome.

Dance Like No One is Watching

Today Mya had her first dance recital. For only doing dance for one month I would have to say she did great.

However as her mother, I did not do well at all. I don't know what it is but every time Mya has a first I have a breakdown. I cried the whole time she was dancing. I have no clue why. I always ask myself is it because she is my baby? Is it because we should be having two firsts happen? Is it because I know these first are my lasts as a parent? I just don't know.

I know I love this little girl so much and want to give her anything her little heart desires (within reason) but yet there are so many milestones I am just an emotional mess. How does one find that balance? I am so proud of Mya and yet I feel like a piece of my is being taken.

All said and done I am so proud of Mya. She did an awesome job for only being 2 1/2 years old. I think music is her thing. She loves everything about music.

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Though I have not been tons of places I have been a few. This picture was on our first family vacation.

We went to San Diego in May 2009. What an adventure we had. Went to the Zoo, Mya fell in love. Mya even saw the Rand Children's Hospital Emergency Room.

So this picture was taken at the Cabrillo National Monument. It was a nice trip. We enjoyed our self and Mya did well on the trip.

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

This is a good one.Just yesterday I was telling Alice that I wish I took more time for myself. I wish I took more time to put myself together.

I spend very little time getting myself together. I don't ever blow dry my hair. For that fact I don't know how to style my hair with a blow dryer. I don't really wear make-up. Well I usually wear it about twice a year. I don't really know how to put it on I wish I made it a point to just look put together. But I don't. Part of me wants to be the other part of me would rather get that extra rest. I think I one of the makeovers on TLC or something.

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Lets face it I suck. I don't have a real recent picture with my friends.

I don't want to be the sappy person with a picture of Eddie as the picture of me and my friend. So we will just stick with I stuck and call it a day. I promise to be more diligent the rest of the month.

Embrace the Camera: Like Mommy like Mya

I have wanted to hijack a weekly post from one of my fellow twin Mama's Bethany Good, but never did until today. Though she has not recently, Bethany has always had Embrace the Camera Thursday's. As I have decided to start blogging more, simply to keep my sanity I and going to start "Embracing the Camera"

So here we go, I give you our first Embrace the Camera:

Just like Mommy......resting with my arm above my head.

This is how I sleep. This is how Mya sleeps. Eddie always laughs at us. We are two of a kind. I snapped tons of pictures this evening at the dentist. I think I may have taken too many. Mya was busy watching The Sandlot for the first time, and LOVING "The Beast" it got to a point she told me no more pictures. But I still managed to get this one while waiting for the dentist as she was watching "The Beast"

The funniest moment this evening was while sitting in the waiting room, just the two of us and "The Beast" jumped out at the kids Mya yelled "Oh NO!" all the nurses and clerical started laughing so hard. Mya was so involved in The Sandlot. So perhaps we may watch the whole thing some time. Hey if she loves "Wizard of Clause" so much I am sure we can sit through "The Sandlot".

So there you have it. My first embrace the camera.

Day 2- The meaning behind your blog name

Day 2- The meaning behind your blog name

Well as I sit on my laptop this morning staring at my blog name, I wonder.

"Living A New Normal. Life After Loss, Finding A New Normal"

Anyone who knows our story knows what it means. For anyone that does not the description basically sums it up.

I lost one of my twin daughters in utero. Since losing Sophia Rene I have have kept a journal of finding my new normal.

I started keeping a journal when I was pregnant and all was well. I wanted to keep a journal to one day give to my child. I updated it every week. How I felt, what the doctor said anything like that. Then January 15th came. Two naive parents walking into a specialist with there twins expecting to just have a simple ultrasound. Not really the case. That day changed our life forever.

On January 15th we found out two things. 1) our twin A was a little girl 2) she was very ill and according to the doctor with horrible bedside manner she would pass away within two weeks. Though that was not the case, she survived 9 weeks. Which goes to show you Modern Medicine is not PERFECT.

Once my girls were born, I went into Mommy Mode. I cared for my tiny (at the time) surviving twin. The whole time I was learning to be the Mommy I am today I felt a missing piece. I would rarely bring up Sophia as I did not want things to feel weird. But then came a time, I time I could not take up all the built up anger. So many things went wrong. The way we were given information, the way things happened at the hospital, just so many things. So I started keeping up with my journal. Then I started WTRLA and decided it was time to share. I am happy I have this.

There are not too many twin mommy's like me out there. I have three very close to me twin mommy's that I can relate to and they can relate to me. But in the same token there are many mother's of loss out there that I can relate too. Just like so many of us say..... "A loss is a loss" we are all united as one this this horrible common bond. This bond has made us all the women we are today. Strong, loving, beautiful women. I personally am so happy to have you all in my life.

So there you have it. The meaning behind my blog.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

This picture was taken on Monday at the happiest place on earth: Disneyland. We were on the Teacups. Sorry I am wearing my sunglasses as they are my only form of vision.

Now on the part two of the challenge, 15 interesting facts about myself. You may find this part boring because I am going to be looking for things to entertain you.

1. My name is Cassie Marcia Beserra (formally Jojola)

2. I am 30 years old, my birthday is June 10, 1980.

3. I have been kind of thinking I want another child. But not yet.

4. I am married to Eddie Michael Beserra, we were married on August 29, 2004 in Las Vegas.

5. We have two pets, Buster and Bozley. Mya calls Boz "Bozzy Cat" and they love to rub heads, it is the cutest thing ever.

6. I currently drive a Chevy Malibu Maxx (for gas purposes these days, soon I may be going back to my Equinox)

7. I live vicariously through Mya. I work very hard to keep Mya dressed like a lady. I wish I had the same fashion sense for myself. Or took half the time getting her ready as I do myself.

8. I love doing craft projects.

9. I love to cook.

10. I hate to clean my house because my "room mates" don't clean up after them self. Though we are working on teaching a little two year old how to put her clothes in the hamper at bath time and when we get dressed in the morning. Next will be her father.

11. I wear too much black. Recently I sorted my closet by color and 1/3 of it was black. As a matter of fact I am wearing black right this minute. All black today, might as well call me Johnny Cash.

12. I tend to cut myself off of the Internet and cell phone over the weekends. I find it is better for me.

13. I was born at 8:10 pm in Santa Monica, CA. I came very close to being named Lola Jojola.

14. I can not eat salad. There is something about the texture on my teeth. I just can't do it.

15. I love all of my family more than words can describe. I care for them all so much. I love them all so much and would do just about anything to keep them all happy if I could. BUT Mya is #1. She is all that matters when it comes down to it. I want to give her everything I possibly can.

30 Days of Me.

June is the most hectic month in my life. So to celebrate one of the 20,000 birthday's in June (mine) I am going to do a 30 Day Challenge again this month. I know 20,000 is a bit of an exaggeration BUT I am sure it is close to that. The last challenge I did was in November, so I think it is time.

So here is the list:

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.

But I am only 30.

Those were the words I told my doctor yesterday.

This morning I left my office for five short minutes to get something from my car, check the mail and use the restroom. When I returned I noticed I had a missed call, from my doctor. My first thought was it was something non-important as his nurses tend to mess my appointment up for my shots. But then something told me to check my voicemail. So I did. The message was simply the doctor needs to talk to you. With all the test going on I thought he was just wanted to check on me with my new regiment to clear the right side of my sinuses.

So I called, I stood on hold for 20 minutes. Finally I got a nurse who told me I would have to call back when the doctors nurse got back. I told her she should call me back as I don't want to sit on hold for 20 more minutes. So then she asked me to hold on. She came back on the phone to tell me the doctor wants me to get a Mammogram as a result of my chest CT Scan. She also told me the doctor will call me back when he was done with his patient.

So naturally where does my head start wondering? I called Eddie and told him the news. He told me it will be OK. We need to wait to talk to Dr. Chen. While I was talking to Eddie Dr. Chen called. I promptly told Eddie I would call him back.

Our conversation was very simple.

Me: Hi Dr.
Chen: Hi Cassie
Me: So now what is going on?
Chen: I got an email from Dr. Sather (my pulmonary doctor) saying he got the results back from your chest CT Scan. They found something we need to have looked at.
Me: What did they find?
Chen: There is a mass on your breast approximately 1.25 cm. The problem is I don't know which breast, I have sent an email to Sather to get all the information.
Me: So what do I need to do?
Chen: I want you to go back to the same place you had your CT Scan and get a Mammogram so we can rule out the worse. I will send the order over immediately.
Me: I will call them now.
Chen: You are young everything is going to be fine, don't worry.
Me: Thank you Dr. Chen, easier said then done. Also just out of curiosity, how old would I be when I would normally get my first Mammogram?
Chen: Um, 40.
Me: Thank you doctor. I will call Madison now.

I kelp my composure through the whole conversation. I then called Eddie and started to get teary. Eddie calmed me and told me everything will be OK.

I know everything will be OK. I am sure everything is fine. However it is the waiting that is hard.

I called Madison to make the appointment and she told me they don't do those specific tests in that office. She gave me a number to Huntington Hill Breast Center. I called there to make an appointment. I was told there were no available appointments until the beginning of August. But given the fact of my age and that I have never had a Mammogram before they will escalate this and I will be seen in the next two weeks. I will get a call this morning with my appointment time. So now the wait begins.

After all was done my co-worker told me things will be fine. Then my boss walked into the lunch room and asked what we were talking about. So the office knows.

Everything will be fine......now we wait.