Day 9:

If you have other children how has your loss effected them? 

If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?

I always have these thoughts in my head how Sophia's passing away will effect Mya. Did Sophia's passing effect Mya in utero? The other big question I have been thinking about now is, now that I am so involved with WTRLA what will Mya think of this when she is a little older?

Besides all of these bad thoughts that cross my mind from time to time our life is at follows. Last year at WTRLA my friend Jessica made Mya a Sophia elephant. She to this day still loves her Sophia. The day after the walk she insisted on taking Sophia to Disneyland with her. 

Sophia was cremated. We have her ashes at home with us. I feel that keeps our family complete. In January another mother of loss Fran made me the most awesome box to put her in. I have also added little mementos to the box. One of them is a glass heart we got from Huntington last year for the "A Night to Remember" we received a little glass heart and again Mya is always playing with that heart. She knows it is "Sophia's Heart" and when she is done playing with it she puts it back in Sophia's box. 

I do not tell Mya she is a twin, but Sophia does come up in conversation. We have a magnet in our kitchen that is a butterfly that was given to me from Charlotte, Matty's Grandma. Mya will ask about the butterfly and I will tell her that is Sophia's. Or she will ask something about Sophia and I will simply reply Sophia, your sister. That is about as basic as our conversations get. But none the less I am happy that is as complex as the get. We went from the joyous day of Mya simply saying "Fia" to know her knowing things that belong to Sophia.

I could not ask for more at this time. I know a time will come where I will tell her the story of Sophia and Mya before she was born. Frankly I am a little scared of that day.