Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I Am Really Doing It.

For years Eddie has said I don't have friends and that I need to get some friends. I would always tell Eddie my friends are online. I am happy this way. I want to spend my time with Mya.

I keep to myself. I love to craft. I go out and do things with Mya and before Mya I would go to family events with Alice.

I have always thought I am a bad friend. I work very hard and I am always a cruddy friend January-April, July and October. So why bother with the other 5 months.

Plus in my eyes family is everything. I love to have my family over for dinner. I love having Thanksgiving at my house. I love all the holiday's because it is extra time with family. Now that Mya is here and we have adapted to our "New Normal" I feel 500x more about spending time with family.

Then I started WTRLA. I started connecting with other BLM's. I felt talking (chatting) with them and meeting them in person. I could be myself. I could say I have twins and it was OK. I don't bring down a room when I am asked "Is she your only child?" or "How many children do you have?"

While at dinner tonight with Karen I felt all would be OK. All would be OK with her, with me and with life in general. I felt Sophia had such a strong presence tonight. Not only Sophia but Mason too.

I understand that all of us are in different places in our journey of grief but I have Mom's I look up to because they are so much more "ahead of the game" then I am. I am OK with that. I am also OK with not having friends or only having BLM friends, why because like Karen said it tonight "they understand me"

Thank you for dinner tonight Karen.........Thank you for helping me open my eyes just a little bit more.

I leave you with this sign that was at our booth at dinner tonight. Progress, a wonderful thing.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for the dinner Cassie. It opened my eyes a lot too, I came to realize that the dinner helped me more than i thought. I talked to Louis about our conversation and he was really glad about what Im doing. For once he listened, and saw tings in your perspective. I hadnt seen that side of him in a while. I was thinking of Mason and Sophia the whole way. And how they brought all of us together. I feel closer to you guys more than my own friends now...and that is because you know my pain.